


Eclipsed Songs

by otaku_fujoshi



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Boy Band, Alternate Universe - Nanny, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Porn, Bottom!Rin, Fluff and Angst, Jealousy, Lemon, M/M, Minor Character Death, Musical References, POV Multiple, Prostitution, Rating: M, Top!Haru, otomen!Rin, seme!haru, uke!Rin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-03
Updated: 2014-09-25
Packaged: 2018-02-07 06:14:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 40,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1887921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/otaku_fujoshi/pseuds/otaku_fujoshi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A song rushes through my head everyday yet I can’t hear its voice. Its haunting melody stops every time at the chorus as if hesitating to speak, why? My life is damn near perfect from another’s point of view but… is it really? Why am I so numb? Where are my words? Prostitute!Rin Otomen!Rin Boyband!AU Daddy!Haruka <br/>Inconsistent!Haitus</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lives at the end of the spectrum

**Author's Note:**

> This is a remake of a story I attempted before but better because I got MAJOR inspiration from Free! Eternal summer! Kai baii! Hope ya likes~

               Just what was happiness? This is the eternal question humans have been asking for years as they fruitlessly pursue such a vague term. Whether it by gaining riches or chasing after a beautiful dream, who could really say what happiness was? He surely couldn’t define it and no matter how many dictionary definitions he looked at he just couldn’t find the right words for it. Perhaps he was just picky, but he liked to believe in such an enigmatic thing despite what others tell him and despite his own disposition.

He absolutely couldn’t be happy because of who he was… or because of what he liked… or because of his situation? He didn’t believe in those words one bit, he didn’t know if it was hope or just plain defiance but he somehow just couldn’t make himself believe that he couldn’t find happiness his own way. His life was shitty at best but that’s what the future was for right? All his pain and suffering would be worth it later. This is his daily mantra and he would repeat it in his mind no matter how many times he needed to get to tomorrow.

               This is what played in his mind when he felt the rough grip of a new customer entangle in his medium-length, wine-colored hair. It always hurt when a customer did that to him and gave him a massive headache later yet he kept his mouth wide open—another entrance for the overweight man’s cock before him. His knees were aching and itching, raw from the too thin, stained, off-white carpet beneath him and his jaw felt as if it might break from how long he’d been suckling the stranger’s cock.

His naked body ached and trembled with the coolness of the draft coming from the less costly window trailing over his body, goose bumps layering on his eternally bruised, pallor skin. He had to keep his jaw especially loose because of his sharpened teeth or else his pay would get deducted from giving the customer unasked for pain—giving head was really the worst in this industry to someone like him.

               He attempted to keep his face lewd seeing as his body never quite responded to this kind of treatment and because of the pain he was in, he didn’t want to make an unattractive face. The customers always felt insulted when he of all people—someone who was hired to pleasure them—felt disgusted or pained by their treatment. He was lucky he managed to come up with a reasonable pitch for why he always had a lack of arousal or he’d be out of a job. However, they never treated him any better despite this. It was always him who had to change his behavior to meet expectation.

Even though this customer’s cock tasted awful, like he hadn’t washed it in weeks, he moaned like his occupational expectation. Even though he didn’t warn his when he came and he nearly vomited from having to forcefully swallow such bodily fluids, his face revealed nothing. His half-lidded eyes made it as if he were in a daze throughout the entire thing. Fully conscious but dulled by amnesia and a pliant body with only one purpose.

               The sour staff was pulled from his swollen lips, white liquid dripping from him, and the large hand grabbed his arm with an almost violent grip that he knew would leave bruises, to haul him over to the shoddy bed used for “the poor”. The customer who paid for him barely had enough to attend this “high class” place which was why he was forced to the unwashed cushion and why his body had to endure more pain for the bed was nearly as hard as the floor.

The owner’s justification was that it wasn’t for sleeping regardless. The only redeemable feature to this bare, filthy room that had seen far too much in its years, was the window that overlooked the city. The view was amazing at night, seeing flickering yellow windows and speeding cars in the distance; the loud honking outside his window reassured him as his hips were gripped and without preparation, he was agonizingly slammed into by a condom clad cock.

There was a sense of being grounded, the lights shining out his window made him feel as if he were one with everyone else, lost in oblivion. No one knew what was happening to him beyond the darkness of his glass and no one knew how shameful he was; how stained he was. And he knew nothing of their glittering world.

               “A-Ah!” he screamed as the man went faster, tearing sensitive flesh nonchalantly and gaining his own single-minded pleasure at the expense of blood leaking from his hole to dye the sheets beneath him with his own humiliation. Yet when he opened his mouth the words, “More, please!” came and he leaned back into the roughness… for his check. This was how he lived. The motto ‘the customer is always right’ rung through his mind and he realized that that phrase probably described his life at the moment. Miserable but living from whatever the customer chose to give him considering his performance. Nothing better than a pet.

               “Yeah, that’s right, you like it rough don’t ya? Moan for me Neko-chan! I’m gonna…” The unknown person groped and grabbed at him, believing his cries of pain were ecstasy even though he was flaccid beneath him. He was lucky he was taking it from behind, that man would’ve seen his watering eyes otherwise. Truthfully this was one of the worst fucks he’d ever had, he almost wondered if he were a virgin given how rough he was and especially how quick he came. It was awkward to feel the balloon inside him inflate with foreign fluids but he could at least say it wasn’t in his ass. The bloodstained condom was tied up and tossed in the trash along with the empty lube bottles and thrown away numbers as the man left his one thousand two hundred dollars on the pillow next to him. Five hundred for a blow job and seven hundred for his ass with a condom. He immediately counted to make sure the money was correct, since customers sometimes had the gall to try to cheat him.

               “You’re good. Leave me alone now and get the fuck out,” he said coolly to the man, without facing him. Usually he was less standoffish but today he didn’t even want the possibility of this guy coming back to possibly fuck his ass up more. Though the seemingly sadistic fat man smiled happily at this treatment and slapped his sore ass. Hard. He muffled his yelp but it was still hearable much to his displeasure as his shoulders stiffened in what could be described as excruciating pain. He didn’t doubt that the man probably came back with spots of blood on his poisonous fingers.

               “It’s fine if you’re rude with me. Neko-chan only likes sex after all. I’ll be back when I get some more money up since you were so cute and slutty tonight,” he giggled with a blush, as if his prostitute was flirting with him. Rin’s stomach rolled and he closed his eyes, pretending to sleep. It wasn’t as if he wanted to agree with that asshole since he was just about sick of ‘sex’ by now but any more backtalk and the man would be obligated to take his money back besides if he went home now—call him narcissistic—but he seemed like a stalker type to him. It would just be safer to spend the night here again until he could go home tomorrow. No one liked to use this room anyway. Quieting footsteps in the distance told him that the weirdo was gone and he sighed to himself, cradling his money to his naked chest. His eyes drifted shut tiredly without tears. He felt as if he truly couldn’t take a step out of bed to even safe his life, his hips ached so badly. He was alone again in this shitty room, only left with his hopes for tomorrow and his cynical self-deprecation.

* * *

 

               Crystalline blue eyes stared blankly at the chart before him, the mysterious squiggles, figures, and numbers meaning nothing to the former student who was only good for his art and cooking. He felt stiff in the black suit he was in, even though it was said to be a perfect fit it was just too stuffy for him and he felt like he was suffocating in the blue tie around his neck that supposedly matched his eyes; it was more like a noose really. Tugging at it for what seemed like the thousandth time, Haruka sighed unrestrained in front of the manager before them and zoned out from the lecture. He could barely even tell what the guy was talking about anymore and he was sure the others would fill him in in a less tedious way later. He would’ve taken the time to sleep had it not been so obvious.

               Makoto, Nagisa, and the recent addition of Rei sat around him, taking the brunt of the irritatingly long speech in their own formalwear—well he supposed Rei and Makoto did since Nagisa was as bad as he was at paying attention. Makoto’s suit was a grey color with a dark green tie looped around his neck which he supposed his wife picked out for him, Rei wore a crisp blue one that spoke all business however he also had a quirky Texas tie on with a butterfly pattern. Even lighthearted Nagisa had on a suit… even if his was a cheerful pink color it was still a suit he insisted. They sat at a needlessly long business table that he supposed was to increase the ambiance of the room with its spinning chairs, fluorescent lighting, and strategic placing of plants. This was the atmosphere he hated the most, it was too uptight for him which is why ultimately he ended up with the job he had today.

Though truthfully he only wanted to make a few bucks, he hadn’t imagined that it would get to be this big; in only six years he and Free!—a band he, Nagisa, and Makoto had originally composed—had skyrocketed to the top of the musical charts, which in turn made them idols; they were some of the most famous faces in Japan, Korea, and even America. Just thinking about it made the introverted raven sigh tiredly, because now at only the tender age of twenty-four was he restricted to not even being able to go outside without a camera phone taking his picture. There was a certain saying among all the things his grandmother had told him that he really took to heart: When you're ten, they call you prodigy. When you're fifteen, they call you a genius. Once you hit twenty, you're just an ordinary person.

               Having always been one to get too much extra attention for hobbies like drawing and singing, he genuinely couldn’t wait to be normal. His plans were set back about ten years now due to this idol business. He could hear the years of ‘Uwah! It’s Nanase Haruka from Free!’ coming his way and he didn’t like it. But then again he supposed all life had its little nuisances like that.

               A hand slammed down in front of him, causing him to look up calmly from his mental complaints to the twitching eye of his manager before him who tried not to lose his patience with him. That, he could confidently say, was one of the best things about being famous. Anyone who yells at you might as well be on a crucifix afterwards. It’s saved him from a lot of unnecessary arguments with people. Or just talking with people in general. “Nanase-san are you paying attention? This is for you and the future of Free! you know! While your rates may not be plummeting, you haven’t released any singles, albums, acted in any films, or done anything that you as idols should do in weeks! At best you only do interviews once every two months!” His blue eyes blinked ever so slowly as if to convey exactly how much he cared about said topic.

               Makoto, seeing the manager’s rising anger with his best friend intervened with his calm and gentle voice, though that didn’t change the intimidating size he had over the manager, “B-But sir, he had to take care of his kids for those few weeks. They had a project coming up and—”

               “This is just like the last time Tachibana-san. You guys are lucky I even took you on at all seeing how brand new you all were and how Nanase-san even has kids! You know how attractive a man with a wife and kids is coming into the idol world? Exactly, he shouldn’t be attractive at all but I managed to get you to look fuckable again and this is what I get in return? Free! is my bread and butter at this point, I don’t want you all crashing this early,” Haruka sighed and slumped lazily in his seat during the scolding, making Makoto take notice and sigh anxiously. While he knew Haru really didn’t care about all the other things he had to do to keep Free! afloat, as he never had, Makoto couldn’t help being slightly upset with his manager. To him he was being completely unfair. To put it simply, after six years of freely making songs, Haru had gotten himself in a slump.

               Haru had told him once that music gave him the opportunity to express whatever he was feeling without having to go through the troublesome middleman of communicating with another human. He knew he certainly didn’t feel like being analyzed because of something he said and by nature Haru just had trouble expressing himself normally. That’s why he was good at things like art, because it gave him an outlet. Haru wrote the scores and lyrics for every song they’d ever performed with ease these past six years. While Haru intended for Free! to be focused on all four of them, there was no doubting that within the long years that their band had been at the top of the charts, Haru was the most popular out of all of them. Their fans had always said that all of the boys had a certain charm to them—his being his kindness, Nagisa had his cheerfulness, and even Rei had his nerdiness—but Haru’s distant and cold demeanor drove girls wild and he instantly became the band’s bad boy. It made Makoto want to chuckle when he heard Haru being called a bad boy or a wild card since Haru was the most predictable person on earth. At least to him. If he was happy, he wrote a song; if he was sad, he wrote a song; if he was angry, he wrote a song or perhaps drew a picture. He was like a predictable artsy type in his opinion.

               But lately because of their popularity, he could tell it was starting to get to Haru. His writing had become less frequent and he hadn’t been sad nor happy throughout these past few days. It was almost as if he was just going through the motions because he felt that he had to. It was just a few weeks ago that he’d just stopped writing altogether and announced to the band that he had no inspiration. They knew better after having spent so much time with Haru but the manager was furious at having his revenue possibly shortened. All the band members knew that it really wasn’t that he couldn’t write, but that he’d had a single song stuck in his mind and that was what he was having trouble writing. They all weren’t sure of why but every time Haru thought he was on his own or wasn’t paying attention he hummed the same song over and over again—which was a phase in his writing process.

               Makoto could only be afraid of what his mental state would turn out to be if Haru couldn’t get it out soon.

* * *

 

               When red eyes fluttered open, he wasn’t too surprised to see the sun rising on the horizon of skyscrapers and power towers. Sex was always tiring for him, making it difficult to do it as eagerly as the rest of his coworkers seemed to and gain as much money as them. Having sex with two idiots was stressful enough but those guys could do it for hours and enjoy it, sometimes they even had sex with each other. Rin didn’t really understand it, he was so bored with the concept of it all he doubted he could even get a boner anymore. Whenever he did it with someone, it was like someone was in his place and he just watched them. There were guys like him at this place too, but there were far too few. They’d learned to stick together in such hard times, subtracting him of course since he wanted no real connections to this place.

               He groaned and sat upgingerly for his ass was _still_ bleeding from that idiot and he found he’d also marked this filthy bed. The pieces of his uniform were flung haphazardly over the room, to his anger. His uniform wasn’t unpleasant, considering that the owner of such an establishment couldn’t afford to have them actually looking like the prostitutes they were—they were “hosts” not hoes. A dapper, cream suit and cream tie, contrasted with a maroon shirt covered his bruises but they were all made to go commando underneath. He knew if he put his uniform on now, he’d look just like a girl who got her first period. Who even knew how much salt and gentle scrubbing it would take to clean it. He blushed furiously just at the visual while he took out his towel to use the shower they had built in every room. This room might’ve been built like a crummy love hotel but all hotels had their own showers which he didn’t mind at this job; it tended to make him feel disgusting after a short while. He was quite disappointed when the stranger last night hadn’t even taken his own shower just to get down to business. As he stepped in the burning hot water he put it on, he turned green from the memory and started scrubbing harshly at this skin, his hips and ass took the hardest cleaning as always. Maybe he figured he could wash away the disgusting experience this way, but that didn’t change the fact that it happened. He had the money to prove it packed away tightly in his bag.

After drying off from his shower, he dressed slowly in his uniform and left the room. He didn’t limp though, years of harsh treatment had given him enough experience to not show his pain, it would just give the owner pleasure to see him vulnerable regardless. The only thing he truly had left at this point was his pride. He was lucky to not have to see her at all on his way out and he scowled at the expensive customers sleepily coming out of their haze in the early hours of six and seven—those kind of customers were always sleazy CEO and millionaire types who cheated on their doll-like wives. It was like a breath of fresh air to be able to exit even if he was still in work clothes. Almost like taking a step back with everyone else into reality. He walked a reasonable pace back to his apartment in the red division. He didn’t have to work until seven today and could basically have the entire day free to himself. He vowed to spend it productively—though he probably would stave off working out for later.

He walked the long distance from his job to his apartment and winced at the thought of having to walk up so many stairs just to get to his room. He accomplished it, however not with minimal pain; he really thought he was going to curse so loudly it would wake the entire complex up at one point. He made it to the top of his staircase and walked in, he sighed in pleasure and annoyance at the sight of his house. One might say it could’ve belonged to a woman with how perfectly decorated it was. There wasn’t a hint of what lie beyond the door outside but once Rin came inside his conflicting addiction came perfectly into view. Two fluffy pink chairs with coordinating blue pillows lay adjacent to a white couch with decorative pink pillows. The floor was half carpet, half wooden and always sparkling like new due to his cleaning habits and a modern black desk with his books upon it lay in the back of the room—of course with a cute, business-like chair. His kitchen was spotless and his favorite frilly, pink and white apron lay hanging neatly near the entrance. All in all, the bane of Rin’s existence was his addiction to cute things.

Whenever he walked by something cute, or saw it on television, he was told that his eyes disturbingly lit up like a small girl’s. His heart raced at the sight of adorable cakes and his favorite thing to drink was strawberry milk yet because of this it consistently caused him problems. A guy like him sewing and baking was disgusting wasn’t it? Being in public and cooing over a well-knit doll or a cute kitten had gotten him beaten many times throughout his life, a near constant punishment for something inevitable. Thinking about himself in such a vulnerable state made his stomach lurch in a sudden bout of self-disgust for he knew that he himself was not cute. Far from it. But he knew he couldn’t help himself and he couldn’t go on denying himself for too long either, therefore his home became his sanctuary. His only place where he could let go of those false pretenses of being a slut. With a sigh, he hung up his mask and leaned back against the door painfully.

Slipping his shoes off, the lone greeting of ‘tadaima’ echoed down the short corridor without an ‘okaeri’ to return to him, and he sluggishly limped to his room. The ostentatious clothing he called a uniform was shed from his body and hung up to be replaced by his favorite baggy, gray sweatpants, giant blue sweater, and bunny slipper combination—and of course underwear, at his job he actually starts to miss wearing it. Yes, he was aware of how ridiculous it must’ve looked but no one could see him then so what did he care? Regardless to those thoughts, a blush still made his way on his face when he tied his hair up and placed his modest glasses on the bridge of his nose. He’d decided to spend all day studying for the online test he had in math. Due to his occupation, he realized that going to regular college was quite a hassle what with people asking why you were limping to class and sitting in those hard chairs nor did he even have the money for it. But online classes seemed to be working quite well for him and he hoped later he could possibly attend a real college to get his degree. It was just a dream at this point… but he was definitely going to do it someday.

While he sat on his cushioned seat in preparation for studying, under his breath an unknown poem plays on his lips, eager to paint itself on paper.

* * *

 

“Haru-chan! Let’s go home!” Came the bubbly voice of Nagisa who, though only a year younger than he was, at times acted like he was still a vibrant teenager. Maybe he was just being aged by his own home situation, nevertheless it didn’t change how simply tiring it was being attached to the blonde as he changed from the stiff suit. He gratefully pulled on his regular combination of jeans and a hoodie and let himself be dragged out of the bathroom they were in to his car. Makoto and Rei were there waiting in their own light clothing and Haruka sighed stubbornly; couldn’t he even go home without these guys? He supposed the unpleasantness of the situation showed even on his stoic face since Makoto began to sweat a little.

“H…Haru you don’t have to look so displeased… w-well I guess you’ve always been like that so…” he stood corrected, it was just Makoto. That freakish guy had grown an irritating habit over the years of being able to read his every thought. He couldn’t deny how useful it was on stage or during interviews but in real life one could not describe how annoying it was to have someone read your mind whenever they look at you. He’s told Makoto to stop plenty of times but he always fed him the line: “But, Haru I’m already so used to it. Telling me to do that would be like changing my character.” He could only sigh and get in the passenger’s seat, considering he didn’t want to be in the back seat with Nagisa and Rei bearing in mind their relationship. While he could care less about the fact they were both boys, it could get really disturbing seeing your two best friends going at it right next to you.

He’d been dubious to it at first, seeing as Rei had originally never been a part of Free!, in fact he used to be their makeup artist—Nagisa’s to be exact. Haruka and Makoto hadn’t even known Rei could sing but it was Nagisa who often caught him humming their tunes and according to his logic: because he had a girly name, of course he should join them. They gave him a trial due to Nagisa’s pleading since it was obvious he’d gained a crush on the megane. He was awkward on the dance moves but his voice was as beautiful as Nagisa had described it, gaining him a spot in Free! Makoto had been stressed over what would happen should Nagisa and Rei break up but they seem to be handling the relationship and fame quite well. According to their manager their being a couple shot their ratings up by fifteen percent. Haruka didn’t mind that at all, as long as he had income it was fine with him.

As long as he had his most important things, his balance was fine. This is what he always told himself. But even as he thought that, the ghost of his unfinished song rang in his mind as if reminding him that he was already without one of his most precious things. His song was unfinished and he hadn’t had any inspiration for weeks. The light melody played in his mind, making his fingers tap out notes at random on the handle of the car door. It was a hauntingly sweet sound, the chords forming in place to make his hands take mold over ivory and black piano keys, speeding up in places and slowing in others. A crescendo to indicate where his voice should become more passionate had his eyes glazing over as he could see the notes before him dancing on the glass of his window. His breath hitched while his mind gained that familiar sensation it got when he felt as if he were missing something important. And sure enough the chorus came, the music running through his memory halted and the notes on his window faded abruptly. It was an entirely new and unwelcome experience that he wish would stop happening yet for days now it had been stunted. The growth of the song.

A sigh escaped him in frustration, knowing himself to not be able to produce any songs if he was stuck on one. It was like he was riding a well-oiled bicycle and someone had just thrown a wrench in the chain. He’d talked to everyone about it and they said they didn’t blame him since he’d been making so many songs lately, but they seemed to suggest that he was stressed and needed to relax. This was where Haruka thought to himself that he was still even after all this time being misunderstood. He loved music and his job, writing songs was his way to relax. Why did they think he was able to just make one song right after the other? So to tell him that it was because his job had become stressful was like telling him that even though plants need sunlight, if they get too much they get sunburnt. Paradoxical to the core. Haruka was shaken from his thoughts lightly by the driver who gave him his ever so friendly smile, “Haru, you spaced out the entire drive again... Well, we’re home.”

“You mean I’m home. You’re just some unwanted visitors,” Makoto sweatdropped behind him while Nagisa laughed loudly at his coldness as he ushered his boyfriend inside Haruka’s quite large house. Rei loved beautiful things, he always has but he’s not yet quite used to actually being able to do the finer things in life. Going out with his best friends on one of the largest stages in Japan casually would probably never be something he’d get used to. In fact he still got surprised when people came up to him for his autograph or already knew his name even though he was a fairly new member to their entourage. His fashionable, brown dress shoe took a step inside the expensive threshold and he could remember how shocked he was the first time he came inside this house.

Haruka-senpai was a simple person by nature, something that only the close people around him knew. He was nothing like how he was portrayed on screen. If anything, he couldn’t describe Haruka-senpai as “emo” rather than… eccentric? An oddball really. His house however was decorated by his wife and their interior designers and he should’ve said that it reflected a woman’s touch but… really Haruka-senpai lived in the type of house that everyone wished to live in—even if the male owner of the house said it was unnecessary. Three stories high with perfect dark wooden floors, coordinated furniture, an entertainment room, a gourmet kitchen, and four bedrooms wasn’t even most of the square footage this house had. The raven male had expressed to them casually how he didn’t really care too much for how large his house was but they all knew why he kept it in mint condition on his days off. The answer lay in the two, pint sized bundles bounding toward the four men at the doorway. Well, one was bounding forward and the other mostly was dragged by the excited force.

As always, Haruka-senpai’s eyes softened and he crouched to become face to face with his two children, one who grinned happily at him, Asuka, and the other who only carried his happiness in his eyes like his father, Sakura. “Tou-chan! O-ka-eri!” The slightly younger twin sang, grabbing at her father’s large hand with her much smaller one, the other hand clutched onto a stuffed rabbit that dragged across the ground unintentionally. The older sibling nodded solemnly and he grabbed the other hand of his father while his sister began talking about her day excitedly to the men before her. Her bright and cheerful demeanor seemed to be balanced with the small male’s melancholy calmness that made him wave at the visitors.

“Oh, so uncles and that guy came again huh?” Was the flat remark that left the small, supposedly innocuous mouth. There seemed to be a weight of awkwardness that dropped on the bluenette in the room as the five-year-old still refused to acknowledge him as familiar. Yes, with that similar coldness and blank, serious stare, Rei felt as if he were staring into a chibi Haruka-senpai’s intense blue eyes. Said eyes squeezed closed when Haruka’s hand descended onto his styled hair to ruffle it gently.

“Be nice Sakura,” he said simply though the boy with shockingly red hair only huffed in disapproval of his father’s teasing. His arms lifted in the tell-tale sign that he wanted to be in the strong arms of his most respected father and his sister followed suit, thankfully over the years Haruka had gained the strength to support the increasing weight of his children. The only thing he could say ruined such a nice family moment would be the giddy giggling that came from none other than Nagisa who always burst into laughter at the sight of him caring for others. Even though he just told Sakura to be nice, he was really contemplating telling them all to just get out right then. But, he knew he had to set a good example for them or Sakura’s bluntness would never get better. So to compromise, a simple sentence was all he needed, “Anyone who laughs doesn’t get dinner tonight.”

Instantly Nagisa paled, knowing his bottomless pit of a stomach probably needed some feeding now and whenever Haruka was serious about something, there was no getting past him. He had the eyes of a parent and if he continued laughing, he’d probably die before it was time to go home by Haruka’s hand, “Eh?! Aw, Haru-chan don’t be like—”

Cutting off Nagisa’s complaints, he only said, “Furthermore anyone who adds -chan to my name can also say goodbye to eating privileges. The less mackerel I have to waste the better.” Nagisa could only choke back his dry laughter at this point, leaving the uncharacteristically childish Haruka with a satisfactory winning feeling and two giggling children in his arms. It was already around dinner time when they came in as usual, the freeloaders, so they all sat at the larger table reserved for when they all showed up at once, the kids sat in their own customized chairs and freely chatted with their “uncles”. Well rather it was Asuka running at the mouth and Sakura coolly observing the comfortable scene while their father cooked and Makoto helped. Of course it was mackerel but he decided to put pineapples on top as a special treat for him and Asuka who both adored said dish. The calm before the storm one might say.

Haruka was dicing the mackerel into halves to remove the bones, his quick knife handling coming from years of repetitive cooking habits. That was when it came back. The song. That melody played softly in the back of his mind, irritating his conscious with its mosquito-like presence. Black eyebrows furrowed ever so slightly as his hands stopped moving because it was playing out as usual. The fluidity seemed nice and he itched to rush to a piano in case there was a new development in the mental battle he was having. Glassy eyes stared at the dead fish before him and once more he was a million miles away from himself, searching for his song. Where was the chorus? The words that pulled a song together, wrapped up and reiterated the message? As the song continued to grow fainter, Haruka desperately attempted to halt the fading music. He wanted to hear the rest of its story. What were its words?

“… ru… Haru!” The ghost of himself crashed back to earth and he suddenly felt a sharp pain in his thumb. Looking down, he saw Makoto’s white-knuckled grip over his wrist and a slightly bloody knife next to a thinly sliced thumb. In truth it wasn’t so bad, just a superficial injury at best but he knew his friends would most definitely overreact which is really what made him nervous. Makoto guided him to the sink so he could rinse his cut off and immediately he already knew he would be in for one of those worried parent scoldings form the brunette. “Haru! You really need to be more careful. I know that you can’t help daydreaming but you can’t do that when you’re cooking… you’ve also been spacing out a lot more than normal lately… are you sure everything is alright?” he asked worriedly as he sighed, shaking off Makoto’s hands.

“Yeah, I know. I’m fine…” he said quietly while he turned off the water and rummaged through a drawer for a small bandage. He could practically feel the disbelief rolling off of Makoto and he huffed but chose not to say more. Afterwards Haruka was banished to cleaning the fish rather than chopping them for fear that he would cut something else by accident. The wind picked up outside as if it were a sign that things could only go downhill from that incident. Sure enough after a few minutes of terribly awkward silence, he heard this.

“Tou-chan, should we go away for a little while?” A high-pitched voice said, awkwardly trying to sound gruffer than what nature intended. It still tinkled like bells in his ears like the sound of an angel, though he knew he was only exaggerating out of love. But at this moment, truly his child sounded like a small angel with fluttering wings that looked at you with assuring yet innocent eyes that knew far more than you could ever comprehend. Though she was no angel, she was his six-year-old daughter who suddenly popped with this question as he was making dinner. You could say that he froze for a minute, suspended in the shock that overcame him at the innocent question. Though after fully comprehending exactly what came from those small lips of his own blood, he whirled around—his face smooth and emotionless even though he gripped the counter tightly with a white-knuckled grip. His friends took note of his purely urgent expression even while they themselves were quite surprised at this.

“W…What?” He asked, in a lightly trembling voice that betrayed his composed countenance. What did she mean ‘should we go away’? Why would she say that? What could’ve possibly given her the idea that it would be the slightest bit appropriate? He looked at his daughter who sat taller than she usually would, her raven hair the same color as his and her bright, crimson eyes were a trait she shared with her mother. Though his traits came out more in his other child, who was more serious in his facial expression when facing him. It made him even tenser to see that he shared this selfless look that his sister was giving him instead of giving her a practical stare and asking her what she was talking about. “What are you talking about?”

He nodded his small cherry red head, the messy bangs bobbing childishly on his forehead, “We’re serious Otou-san. We’ve talked about it and come to a reasonable con…conkluson that we should go live with Obaa-san for a while. You always tell us to think things through before deciding… so this is what we decided.” He was at a loss as to how a child who could not yet pronounce the word ‘conclusion’ come to such a mature decision with reasonable back up. Even Nagisa who was inclined to laugh at the pronunciation mishaps Sakura seldom had was shocked silent. Where the hell was this all coming from? He was a good father, or at least a decent one he hoped. Haruka looked around the table as if validating his worth as a parent with his friend’s reactions. He always made sure there was food on the table, he very rarely did tours, he helped them get to school, he even took them home when he could, and spent all of his free time with them almost… why were they not happy? The stoic man’s face crinkled lightly in an unusual expression of sadness that the children and his bandmates noticed immediately. The raven haired female, better at socializing out of the two of them, sprang into action where Nagisa, Rei, and Makoto could not. They all knew that the mere thought of his children not wanting him was crushing to the stoic man.

“No, no! Tou-chan it’s not like that! Well… we just want you to take a break maybe… it’s just… you always take care of us but then you never have time to do the things Tou-chans like to do and we were worried… that you might not like us later because of it…” The raven said with expressive eyes that shone with sadness. Simultaneously the three other men in the room sagged in relief at knowing the cause. They thought that they were the cause of his distraction when he cut himself. As surprising as it was, immediately Rei was the one who finally jumped in his defense. Of course he only started out with a small squeak as if to indicate he wanted to say something but when the two children faced him, he cleared his voice and said,

“Your Otou-san absolutely adores you guys. He talks about you all the time… well when he talks. But he always has a smile on his face when he sees you guys. He can’t possibly find either of you troublesome… but it might hurt his feelings if you guys move with your Obaa-san,” he explained clearly, much to the surprise of both the redhead and the raven. Rei knew that more than anything, Haruka-senpai definitely loved his children. Everything he did and worked so hard for was so they wouldn’t struggle growing up. He wanted to be there for them all of their lives even if he didn’t say much about it, Rei absolutely couldn’t let his efforts be misunderstood as they often were he noticed. His words had the twins thinking, it had changed their entire argument finding out that he was truly happy when they were around. They didn’t have the most expressive father in the world but when Asuka thought about it, tou-chan was always kind of smiling when he looked at them… but she’d never seen another expression on his face before so she always thought he was just like that. She looked dumbstruck as she realized what that might mean.

Nagisa jumped in afterwards, feeling inspired by his boyfriend’s involvement. Normally he would never do something this bold with his slightly shy nature, but he also knew Rei-chan could be just as brash when he wanted to, “That’s right you guys! Don’t you think your tou-chan would get lonely without you guys there. I mean he has us too but we could never replace his cute kiddies!” His pink eyes were wide and persuasive to the younger male and female and he had an unusually serious tight-lipped expression that showed his emotions on this topic. He knew for a fact that Haru-chan would be a mess without his kids, especially in this slump he seemed to be in. Catching onto the pattern, Nagisa nudged Makoto to say something too yet the brunette seemed to be one step ahead with his motherly smile on.

“Haru loves you two the most. He’d just having a bit of a hard time at work but even if he doesn’t tell me, I know that seeing you two always makes him feel better after a hard day. You want your tou-chan to be happy too don’t you?” At this Sakura’s blue eyes widened and he stared at his otou-san as if to gain proof that this the honeyed words he was listening to were real. What did his otou-san think? The singer’s face smoothed back into its perfect emotionless expression, a sign of clear relief from the heat being eased off of him as he walked over to the two who sat at the table and pulled them into an embrace which they both accepted eagerly, uncaring of the possible ribbing he might receive from Nagisa later.

“I could never hate you guys. I absolutely love you, no matter what. If I didn’t then I wouldn’t make such an effort to spend time with you guys. Though you must understand that I don’t really want to do much except spend time with you guys outside of work. I love watching you grow up and even if I don’t smile so often, I really do enjoy myself,” He explained, looking at them with a small smile that came naturally when with his children. They blinked nearly identical wide eyes and the redhead sighed in that cool way he’s used to, sitting down reluctantly. Though the raven looked a bit more touched by his words, she also did the same. He sighed in exhaustion and ran his fingers through his hair before going back to work on making his dinner with Makoto. Conversation picked up where it left off but the fear in his heart that his actions might cause trouble for his children stayed. His heartbeat didn’t calm for a long time after that.

The wildness of the storm was just beginning.

* * *

 

His shadow loomed over the plethora of emptied music sheets and his fingers lingered over the piano keys while the now irritating melody once more cut off in his mind and once more he was struck without words. The others at this point must be getting tired of hearing the same song again and again but Haruka was struck with an anomaly at this point. It had never taken him so long to get a song out, not even that one horrible time back in his teens. The stream of music in his head was endless, describing all around him and everyone had their own song, their own lyrics. It was a completely customized process but this lyric-less, muted song was beginning to seem disgusting to him. It was half-assed and whatever notes he placed in the spaces after the silence sounded forced and not right to him. He’d been here earlier than usual since it was the weekend and he didn’t want to wake his own kids up with his ceaseless playing. But… there was nothing but silence in his head at this point and his fingers stopped their pursuit of the mysterious notes.

He looked to the ceiling, the bright lighting did nothing but cause small rainbows to appear in the corners of his vision. It was so unnaturally quiet when his eternal background music halted. Pink lips parted and he wanted to even just mouth an idea of what could go on the paper but before he could even try something so ridiculous, he felt the familiar nuzzling sensation in the lower part of the right side of his back. Without even turning, he knew it was Nagisa rubbing those fluffy, blonde waves against him to gain his attention. He only acknowledged his presence by looking back down from the ceiling but began to also gather his half-finished music sheets together. Nagisa took it as his cue to start talking, “Haru-chan, you’ve been at this all day. Don’t you think it’s time to stop now? All juice gets inedible if left out too long. Shouldn’t creative juices be the same?” Haruka stiffened and a touch of a frown graced his lips.

“Don’t spout nonsense, it’s only noon,” he said, trying to ignore how disturbed his mental turmoil being compared to juice made him. Makoto looked at him and sighed, knowing just what a rough time he must’ve been having with his inability to write but he could really see through that excuse. Just how long had he been up before now? Knowing the raven, he might’ve been at it since they left late last night. There were circles under his eyes showing him that indeed Haru was even missing out on his precious sleep because of this song circling around his mind. He even cut himself yesterday spacing out, at this point it was becoming dangerous for his health. What if he was driving and the song came to him and… Makoto paled and shook his head, not wanting to picture such a catastrophe, “Quit putting –chan on the end of my name too.”

Nagisa simply ignored the grumpy Haru-chan before him and leaned on an evenly concerned Rei-chan while he looked at a worrying Mako-chan, “Haru-chan seriously, perhaps you should relax for a while. We’re all seriously worried here… and what about _that_ situation?” he asked, grimacing at bringing up yet another elephant in the room since this was turning out to be a full-blown intervention of sorts. The glasses-wearing man he was leaning on cast him a confused glance and he remembered that all of them never discussed such issues with Rei-chan around. He heard the raven in front of him sigh.

“What about that? It’s the same as always,” Haruka dully and briefly explained. Silence rang around the recording studio that they hung out in, each man hesitant to break the rapidly fragile atmosphere around them. Makoto was the first to gain enough nerve to shatter the silence with his quiet whisper of,

“But… does that mean Kou-chan is—” he cut himself off as he witnessed Haru physically avoiding the subject matter they were going on. Frustrated, Makoto got up and walked around to where Haru was looking, surprising Rei since Makoto wasn’t usually so assertive involving Haruka, “Haru, you can’t avoid this discussion forever. We aren’t ones to judge you know that.”

“But, we’ve already had this discussion before and things are still the same… I still don’t feel this way or that way about it,” he said quietly, dully even as he turned back to his piano keys, a source of familiarity in this awkward and unneeded conversation. How many times did he have to say he was fine before people would leave him alone about this topic? Rei’s curiosity bubbled on the sidelines and he turned to Haruka,

“What are you all talking about? Don’t you think I should know too, as a member of the band?” he asked, beginning tentatively but gaining more strength and confidence in his words toward the end. Haruka-senpai just stayed silent, without giving not even a hint to what everyone was speaking of. What situation? What incident? “Haruka-senpai, I’m also worried about you… as a friend.” He supposed something in his words struck the cold man in his heart when he stiffened in his seat as if resisting him, but in the end his shoulders slumped and he sighed.

“My wife is having an affair.” The words tumbled dryly and simply from his mouth as if he were just discussing the weather with all of them rather than talking about infidelity issues with his wife. Rei’s mouth dropped in shock of hearing such a thing. It couldn’t… it couldn’t be right though…. Kou-san loved Haruka-senpai with all of her heart. She always was looking at him when they were doing their practice routines and whenever he was in the room all of her attention was on the raven. She wasn’t home very often due to her own work with dancing and collaborating with other artists but did that mean… she was cheating? And with who? Did Haruka-senpai even know?

“H…Haruka-senpai…”

“It’s fine, Rei. Really.” He wasn’t angry about it, or even sad really. Rei shouldn’t waste his energy worrying about something so entirely useless. Really he supposed it was his fault that the entire affair started in the first place, though his wife tried fairly hard to keep it a secret. He was the one who brought her to the “business” party and she and Mikoshiba Seijuurou hit it off right off the bat. Seijuurou was quite different from him. While he apparent charm was his seriousness and silent attitude, Seijuurou was boisterous and playful and easily won the heart of his strong-willed wife along with his own many fans. He completely swept her off of her feet. He knew by the way her eyes stared at him with complete and utter adoration and rapture, “She loves him very much. And the man isn’t dangerous. Far from it.”

“Wh…What are you saying? That’s your wife, you should at least be angry that she had the gall to just tell you. Are you guys getting divorced? Is that why you’re so—”

“She hasn’t told me anything. And I haven’t said anything,” he corrected, feeling like he was arguing pointlessly for some reason. He was getting defensive over being cheated on. Makoto and Nagisa sighed at Rei’s surprised face. That was also how they were when Haruka came up one day and just told them that Kou was cheating on him for that Seijuurou guy. They tried to get him to confront her about it and yet they knew they couldn’t meddle in this affair or risk their own relationship with Haruka. They could only watch Rei futilely argue with Haruka knowing that he would refuse so that he didn’t hurt Kou.

At this point, Rei couldn’t even fathom the situation anymore. It sounded like it was getting far more complicated than it needed to be. Why hasn’t he just separated from her? Why is he letting her string him along this way? “Why…”

“Because she loves me too,” The reason he had yet to bring up the fact that she should just be with the one that she loves more was the fact that she also looked at him with such adoring eyes. It wasn’t the work of hope that she’ll someday love him more than Seijuurou but rather he wondered if she would be less happy if he just told her to be with him. If he was no longer by her side, “And she is the mother of my kids.”

He felt no particular attraction to anyone else and never has though when he thinks of her being sad, a certain guilt pangs his heart and he can’t bring himself to tell her to go with someone else. After all she did give him two of the most precious gifts he could ever ask for—Sakura and Asuka. When he thought that they could possibly be saddened by their mother not being in their lives as often, he definitely thought that he should keep quiet. He wouldn’t be able to bear putting a sad expression on his children’s faces. Things would just have to stay as they were for the moment. Though he didn’t think that was too bad. He couldn’t imagine not having a life such as this at this point and he thought he was happy. Or at least content.

“But what about you? If she’s always with some guy then where does that leave you and your kids? Hell, even your sex drive’s gotta be going up the wall by now with how long this affair has been lasting,” Rei huffed, blushing a bit at the last part but sex was vital to a man once he’s done it before. It was only healthy and Haruka-senpai already had some pretty unhealthy habits. Makoto and Nagisa blinked in surprise at such an insinuation. Even the perverted Nagisa hadn’t thought to tell Haruka about his sex drive. Makoto’s ears were already turning red from where this conversation was going.

There was deserved silence on Haruka’s part as he looked at the flushed megane with surprise before turning away in a slightly suspicious manner, “I don’t really think I have much of a sex drive. Part of me thinks that’s why Kou is going to another man. I just can’t…” Haruka at this point had decided the small speck of dirt on his crème piano was a lot more interesting than this conversation but Nagisa of course had to choose this time to jump in and say,

“So… you can’t get it up or your performance is bad?” Rei turned bright red and suddenly wished that he’d never burst out and mentioned the sex-thing. He was already surprised of most of the things that came out of his unexpectedly blunt boyfriend’s mouth. Makoto seemed to be suffering even more than he was from Nagisa’s words. His entire face and neck had turned bright red and his ears probably felt like they were going to melt off his head. He and Haruka had been friend the longest but he couldn’t escape the pure embarrassment that came with talking about his sex life. He hadn’t talked about sex with Haruka since the time he lost his virginity and the time he found out Haruka was sexually active by seeing the very pregnant Kou next to him and walking down the aisle. He and Haruka just didn’t talk about that kind of thing.

The lean male looked up, considering Kou’s face. Her long, vibrant hair definitely wasn’t ugly, it trailed down her nice body. Since she trained dancers daily for her living, it was nicely toned as well as flexible which she once pointed out—he had no idea why though. Her eyes were a pretty shade of red, he thought they were her best feature actually. She wasn’t even bad looking with her clothes off, her breasts weren’t too big nor too small. She was very attractive. He’d even been told that he was quite lucky to have snatched up a beauty like her. This is why he tended to think there was something wrong with him since he wasn’t sexually attracted to his truthfully beautiful wife, “The first one. It’s not like she’s not attractive and I don’t think anyone else is pretty like she is but…”

Nagisa stared at the raven in front of him and sighed under his breath, cocking his head, “Hmph, Haru-chan you haven’t even considered the other option have you?” he questioned as if the “other option” was completely obvious. Haruka stared up at him with an unconvinced stare that also said he wished not to be wrapped up in another scheme of his, “You might be gay.”

“….Eh?!”


	2. Forgetting Your Place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought I'd update this one too

Sharp teeth were exposed from a wide, toothy grin as he stared at the digitalized results on his bright computer screen. Math was one of his best subjects but he really outdid himself this time with his one hundred percent—clearly the result of hard work and continuous study. The warm feeling budded in his chest and a laugh bubbled from his throat seeing as there was no one around in the peace of his living room, he couldn't be bothered. His studies had taken up a good chunk of his day considering he now only had four hours left until he had to go to work again but in those four hours he knew exactly what he wanted to spend his time doing.

He took out a sheet of paper, clean and white was how he preferred it—something about its structure-less looks really made his creative feelings flow. There was a world of possibilities on the white canvas in front of him, it was just waiting for his pencil to come trace the words buried in his heart. Or at least that's what he felt. The pink pencil spun in his grip as he wondered what he'd be creating today. What song was waiting on his lips? What would the chorus be? What was the message? All these questions ran through his mind as he briefly signed his first name at the bottom of the page—something he did for all of the songs he wrote—and slumped unconsciously in his seat only to jump and yelp from the pain running up his spine. How embarrassing could he get?

A… a hard rock song? …No, he didn't feel particularly angry today, especially after he aced that test. So then depressed songs were out of the window—the worst thing a songwriter could do is write sad songs when he's feeling happy. He didn't feel as if he were in a state in which he needed to write down his feelings, yet at the same time he really didn't feel like writing a superficially happy song either. What should he write today? Something with depth, something… like love? You could never go wrong writing a love song even for practice—they were his personal favorite regardless. And so with that goal set in mind, he set about writing the first lyrics that popped into his mind. They seemed to slip out naturally, the words the hidden motive in his fingers' motion.

_Kisetsu wa peeji wo mekuru you ni_

_Megutte iku tabiji_

Somehow when the first line scribbled itself onto the clear sheet, immediately Rin caught the scent of cherry blossoms in the air. He guessed this would take place in spring then? Spring was always a good time for love since it was the birthing of everything that had previously passed. But… there was something else he could see in this introduction to his song. There was no tune nor was there rhythm but he could strangely hear these words more clearly than any of the previous songs he's written. It played as if it were a memory rather than a timid creation. At that thought, Rin's hands paused and lingered over the page. Memories could be both good and bad when it came to him since memories often gave him uncontrollable ammo to write endless songs yet at the same time it took a lot from him to have to actually look back at himself… where he came from. Most of the time he disliked doing it and those songs were discarded or if he liked it enough, he kept it for himself to never be looked at again; unfinished. He had a choice this time since he'd caught it early but he was confused on what memory it could be. As far as he was concerned he'd never been in love before… could he be mistaken? Thinking back on it, he didn't remember such feelings of fluttering happiness or even angsty moodiness which indicated his heart hadn't been in his possession. Rather his mind was a blank screen and he felt as if he were inexperienced in that area. He wrote once more, two more lines should give him enough to realize it right?

_Kyou wa naitatte ashita waraeba_

_Atarashii hi ga kimi wo terasu_

Deep red eyes widened slightly as a scene outlined itself more in his mind's blank screen, as if he were going over it lightly with a pencil to see its shape. His chest tightened slightly in uncertainty but he didn't feel pain. It tingled at the bottom of his heart dangerously and a flash of his younger self kneeling beside something… a bed maybe… made the tingling sensation meld into a strong throb. Eh? Throbbing? Even now? Whatever he seemed to have felt back then was so strong to could be felt now? He knew it was absolutely no time recently as well so… so it was true, he'd been in love? How hadn't he remembered something like this? As he read over it, once more feelings of an aching heart penetrated his chest, like he was discovering a raw and irritated wound, and the curiosity of who it was that he'd once loved plagued him even as a skittish feeling crawled up his spine. A boy? A man? Who was the one that once caused his heart to beat an innumerable amount just by kneeling by their bedside?

As if answering his question, his memory grew more vivid locking away actuality and launching him into the scenic view of his past. Colors became lifelike and he realized this scene took place at night due to the muted tint of the no less realistic shading and a blanket of moonlight sheathed the room in an almost ethereal glow. What a romanticized memory, he thought to himself as he could just barely see the ending strands of short, silken, raven locks that clearly weren't his own. His fingers twitched, wanting to play in the memory's picture, he bet it used to feel soft… It was a nagging feeling that pushed him further, wanting to complete the beautiful picture. There weren't many that he could remember in his past… He decided to take the risk and as he placed the tip of his pencil on the paper, glowing tanned skin reflected the moonlight in his gaze and he remembered endless tears slipping from beneath closed eyes to stain the pillow he was laying on. Eh? Tears…? He was beginning to feel it now. The pain. Is this what they called heartache? He could only be said to experience this second hand since it was from a mere memory but the feelings made his once soaring mood fall. It was sad wasn't it… this love? This climactic feeling caused him to delve straight into the chorus from the fifth line.

_Tsukareta nara kata no ni wo oroshite_

_Ima dake wa iu yo—_

He gasped and dropped his pencil, the last word on the sixth line remaining unwritten and he recalled the scene once more. A raven man weeping on his pillow, his lips remembered the salty taste of them as he stole innocent kisses from those tear-stained cheeks in the hopes of calming the pained man. The fluttering of those long lashes in the midst of a strenuous dream, how hot his skin was under his lips, and how blue his passionate eyes were as they gazed into his shocked tea red ones with a deceiving love… he remembered him. His first love. Unknowingly his mysteriously quaking hand drifted to his lips, feeling the phantom pressure of skin against it even after all these years. Yet he ripped his hand away from his mouth, feeling silly. It was only a memory, there shouldn't be such an emotive response from him. He wasn't like that normally, not anymore.

His heart squeezed and he knew then why he didn't reminisce on being in love, he berated himself for chasing after lost memories that needn't be found. That his idiotic self, had his first love with the unattainable man… that married his sister. He didn't know why he wrote the song so naturally, perhaps it was one that he used to sing? Though he didn't know the music and the song was unlike one he'd ever heard… the last word to the sixth line lingered on his lips and he shakily finished what he knew was going to be yet another unfinished song. That chapter of his life was closed and had gathered dust from how long it had been untouched. He didn't want to go there. Rin knew it was unnecessary crying over spilled milk, he was most likely happy with her at the moment. They probably even had kids by now—something he could never give him... Rin shook his head in an attempt to get rid of his dejected thoughts. Thinking about this logically, it was probably kiddie love anyway. It was years ago and he hadn't even been dating since then. Lingering over it now would be pointless, it would be best to just forget.

"Oyasumi… Nanase-san."

* * *

Haruka's body felt as if someone had poured chilled water all over him. He truly had nothing against gay people seeing as two of his very best friends were gay—and for each other at that—but he knew something like that was something he'd never thought of. It had never been an option for him considering he didn't find men attractive. He's best friends with the people considered the sexiest guys in Japan and never once has he ever felt a hint of desire to kiss or touch them. In fact if he could get away with it, he'd rather not even hug them. He preferred to have his personal space. But… the same thing could be said for women. From the time he entered this industry, no from the time he became aware of girls and boys he felt like he'd never truly become 'aware'. His heart didn't race when he saw a particularly aesthetically pleasing woman, the few girlfriends he had were not things that he pursued, because they were the ones who confessed to him. He hadn't even kissed a girl just because he wanted to, there was always some underlying purpose or reasoning behind his affection. An expectation of him. To him it just didn't feel genuine; he supposed it didn't come across that way either because whenever he did get a girlfriend, he'd get dumped within a few weeks.

So then just what did that make him? Asexual? Did he have something wrong with him in which he just didn't feel that way with other people? Nevertheless, he was sure he wasn't attracted to men and with that in mind, he told Nagisa just that, "I'm not gay. I just don't… have those kinds of desires I guess." Nagisa just looked at him as if he'd all of a sudden grown a second head. Was it really that strange? He did masturbate like anyone else but more for his health he supposed. He found it awkward and hard to do most of the time since he seemed to have an ever playing soundtrack in his mind for composing songs and he often found his hand stopping in the middle of his activities since he was struck by inspiration and eventually his erection just faded. Sometimes even in the middle of sex with Kou he found himself wanting to just pull out and continue writing the tune in his head, though he knew what kind of hot water he'd be in if he ever dared to do that. Kou could only take so much of his eccentric behavior before it lost its charm.

"Haru-chan are you serious? So like you've never watched porn before? You have two kids how do you not have those desires?!" he screeched dramatically and he could've sworn Makoto and his weak heart were well on their way to passing out from the embarrassment of it all. Haruka just stared evenly at Nagisa before he turned away from him, trying to cut the conversation off.

"It was only from Kou's persistence that I had sex with her. I can get erect you know. I just don't feel like it most times," he said in a tone with finality lacing through it. He really was not too keen to talk about his sex life with Nagisa whom he sadly knew was a monster with his insatiableness—he could hear them once in a hotel room and he and Rei went at for hours until Makoto pleaded with him to make them shut up. It must've been like a crime to Nagisa to hear that he was disinterested in having sex. The ever intrusive Nagisa jumped in front of him with a focused look that was slightly ruined by the pout on his face,

"Mou, well even if you aren't interested in sex, you don't even know if you like guys since you've never given it a try. It's like seeing a piece of cake that you don't think you'll be into because there is one cake you already know you like but then trying it blows your mind and you can't get enough!" There were stars in Nagisa's eyes as his stomach rumbled from his own food analogy, "Wah… I'm hungry now… but still I know how we can sort this out! We can see if you like guys once and for all, with just one try!" That seemed to catch all the boys' interest, sans Haruka. What stupid scheme was the blonde hatching up now? Haruka really didn't want a part of it since it would definitely require effort that he could use to write the song stuck in his head.

"I'm not ga—" he was interrupted before he could even finish his sentence, not by Nagisa however. By a less likely, timid voice. Turning to Makoto, he saw that the once beet red face had calmed down and he stared into his azure eyes with his emerald ones and for a second, Haruka almost thought Makoto would tell him that he in fact did have a fancy for males but on looking a bit further, he saw that was not the case. The brunette for once was not on his side concerning this issue. It was a bit of a shock, seeing as Makoto was always on his side no matter what the issue and had been for over a decade but concerning his sexuality, he thought he needed to check it out? This was Makoto trying to be a supportive mother again wasn't it? He could groan in annoyance but he really didn't want to have to explain why he made such a noise.

"Haru… I… I don't think it would be a bad idea for you to just look. I'm not saying go have sex with one like Nagisa is implying but to maybe talk to one doesn't hurt anyone. Just try to view a guy in that way and if it totally creeps you out then we'll know for sure you aren't gay or bisexual…" Nagisa complained in the corner on Rei's lap as he was accused once more of being the pervert in the group but he just knew there was a little bit of perv in everyone. It wasn't just him! He just couldn't accept the fact that poor Haru-chan was suffering below the belt without even knowing it, he also knew that was the only reason Mako-chan supported his advice on seeing whether their raven was gay or not. All of them wanted him to enjoy that aspect of life like they did and it just wasn't normal to just not feel attracted to anyone, where was the spice of life if there was no love?

Rei jumped in as he saw that Haruka-senpai seemed to be waning from his stern standpoint, seeing as one of his near constant supports was against him at this point. He actually had a good place to recommend to him, and he didn't even have to cheat on Kou to experiment—definitely a plus in his book, "Haruka-senpai, if you… if you don't mind I could actually recommend a place for you. I've never been there but I heard the males were very beautiful there and—"

"Are you suggesting I go to a male prostitute?" Haruka asked without folly, his dead serious face had the two larger boys in the room back blushing and Nagisa laughed at the frank way he put it. Rei could only clear his throat in his fist, hoping his voice didn't crack from his utter surprise. Haruka could be rather brash in his own way.

"N-No… I was thinking that you could go to a host club. There's one that I heard was pretty high class in its rules and privacy so you wouldn't get sucked in by paparazzi. At the same time, the guys there are trained to make their client feel loved romantically, so if you don't feel anything from them being charming towards you then you obviously aren't attracted to males," he explained, "The place is called Tokyo Ai but they require you to pay in cash and their pretty expensive…"

"Hmph, if that's the issue then I'll pay! We definitely have to go tonight Haru-chan!" Nagisa said excitedly, getting to his feet and pointing upwards as if he had a eureka moment. Haruka wasn't repulsed by the idea of going to a host club but he definitely didn't want to go tonight of all nights. Haruka had planned to be alone in the midst of his song without any disturbances tonight so that maybe he could get at least one more line out. They were wasting time now just by talking, it just took too much effort and too much was getting in his head because of the silence. It came to the point that he was even suffering from sleepless nights just because of how many times the song was on repeat in his head. He just wanted to get it out already and take a nap, his kids were even worrying about him. He didn't have time to just be going out.

"No, I'm not going tonight," he said simply refusing Nagisa.

The blonde's mouth fell open but before he could retort Makoto once more stepped in, "Haru, how's this? You go to the host club and see if anyone makes you feel something and we'll babysit Sakura-chan and Asuka-chan? Kou-chan's going to be out for the night because she's still at the conference thing in New York with other dancers right?" Haruka tentatively nodded, irate that Makoto was finding holes in the plain answer he'd given. He hadn't even given an excuse to why he didn't want to go, he just said no. So why did he feel as if his reasoning for not going was becoming less and less stable? "You may even get inspiration for your song by experiencing something new," A small frown pulled at the sides of Haruka's lips and he huffed, gathering his papers only to walk off. The men left behind him grinned as they knew that they'd all succeeded in getting Haruka to go along with the plan.

* * *

If he was honest with himself, he'd say while he was disappointed with having to go to his job tonight, he was actually a bit eager on this occasion. Of course not for the sex but Tokyo Ai also doubled as a host club and oftentimes when he wasn't being fucked, he was talking to someone to "make them feel loved" or whatever bullshit that was. The mundane chatter for once was enticing to the redhead, it was like white sound to calm his nerves that had been on edge ever since this afternoon when he was writing. It was a nightmare trying to write another song after something heavy has been brought to the forefront of his mind. Usually when it came down to those feelings and thoughts he'd rather put to rest, he put his body through a type of strenuous physical activity so he couldn't possibly be thinking of whatever he was avoiding. But in his condition he was stuck listening to those words and the halted memory flourished in his thoughts until it was time to go back. He couldn't watch television since he could barely pay his Wi-Fi bill along with the other bills he naturally had to pay around the apartment so he hadn't even bought one and any of the shows he liked were about romance—something he didn't want to think about to begin with. He found himself ridiculous, thinking about once half-baked incident so hard that he was going in circles. It was so annoying to have to reminisce about something that happened years ago when he'd been through much worse than whatever puppy love he'd had then. It was disgusting really, Nanase-san was no more than a passing fancy. What was even his first name anyway? He didn't care.

He gave a longsuffering sigh as he looked up at the clock reluctantly to see it was once again time to go back. He knew he certainly wasn't the most requested—seeing as he was grouchy, kicked his customers out, and never hard—but he also knew that he was considerably requested most times because of these traits. They called him a tsuntsun neko because he was usually pissed off when he came in and he could only take it from the back because of his flaccid cock, disregarding the fact that he was gay to begin with. Because of this sales pitch, he often had many suitors or rather "challengers" who wanted to try their hand at making the asexual guy cum or taming his smart mouth. It was degrading to be honest and he was exhausted the first week or so he was advertised like that. Dozens of guys became intrigued by him and he was often confined to the private rooms for hours at a time, getting all types of painful and embarrassing things done to him. Four, five guys in one night pounding into him until he felt as if his ass would never recover and the bedding was decorated with ribbons of congealed white with none coming from him. It was truly hell.

He dreaded going back with his wounded ass like this, it would hurt ten times as much when he was injured and he probably would start bleeding again since those that bought him for the night tended not to know common decency, the spoiled brats. He knew that he would just have to endure it though, at least until he could get an appointment to the doctor saying he needed to take leave—it was embarrassing to do it that way but he knew he needed time to heal or he would be in real danger of getting an infection. _Just tough it out for one more night, one more and you'll be home free…_ he thought as he gently pulled his formfitting uniform up his hips. His shirt was next—an undershirt was prohibited of course for immodesty's sake—and the jacket was the last piece of his alter-ego he needed as the day succumbed to the darkness of night, letting people like him roam the street once dominated by ordinary people. He grabbed his truthfully unattractive, black bag which carried only four things, money, toiletries, pencils, and paper. He did this in case he was ever struck by inspiration on the job seeing as he usually had a half hour of recovery time between sessions. He found it was good to take it with him, in case he thought he might lose it trying to make a living. Closing the door behind him, he let his longish hair flutter with the touch of wind as he ignored the catcalls of those too poor to afford his services and made sure the immoral look in his eyes told no one to take them forcibly.

When he arrived outside of the large building, he huffed in irritation at its deceiving looks. From the outside it looked like some kind of upscale club; they even went so far as to have the upcoming concrete blocks turned a bright red as if walking inside were like walking on the red carpet. There was a doorman at night—though usually he was gone when he woke—and the equally handsome man guided innocent bystanders inside with his charming smile and "man in uniform moe" as the owner loved to call it. He never said anything to him since it was awkward just being the one he has to open the door for every night, as if he were happily welcoming him into the place where he'd get brutally fucked. When Rin stepped inside, immediately his feet were walking on immaculate marble flooring which was waxed weekly to keep up appearances. The inside was bright an extravagant as always, with designer furniture that all matched the scenic atmosphere and the entire setup to him gave off an irritating posh aura. It was made to lure the weak-willed rich in.

Though it was only just seven, things seemed to be up and running with the regulars sitting leisurely on the couches together, sharing gossip over their unreasonably priced tea or wine. Most of them had wine since Tokyo Ai's wine bragged to be a natural aphrodisiac—why a host club would need that, he would never know. But in the business that Tokyo Ai was selling, it was like a flame to a lusty moth. His pain had faded slightly since he had made sure to take some pain killers just before leaving and he was now walking normally past those who were considered the best service givers in the building Cherri, Vixen, and Leo. They were the monsters in his book with how they could fuck back to back with sometimes even more than one guy or woman voluntarily, just the mere thought made his stomach churn. They usually got the highest paying customers since the kinky ones always paid the most and they even convinced people that usually came in for host related things to switch over to buying sex simply because they got more money from it. What disturbed him the most was the fact that they seemed to have a problem with him because of his… condition. They thought he was a freak for not getting hard even though he was a prostitute.

He glared at the floor while he slid past them, hoping not to catch their attention since he didn't like to mix with them if he could help it. However, it seemed as if a spiritual vendetta was placed atop his head because not only did he get noticed, but he got called over to the table, "Oi! Neko-chan, come, come we have some people here who we've told about you!" He wanted to groan and tell them to fuck off; really what was this high school? But instead, he came over because he knew just what would happen if he told them to fuck off—they would steal every one of his customers until he was fired. Those who didn't get requested enough were laid off because the owner didn't need any "dead weight" and they had the stamina to be able to take any request from him if they wanted. They were the only people he really couldn't afford to piss off. Literally.

"Tch, I'm coming…" he said unenthusiastically and walked over to the side of the couch where they all were still giggling as if they had some kind of sick joke up their sleeve. God, he really hoped they didn't, he would just prefer this night to be over already, his hope for white noise going down the drain. There was a difference between the white sound of chatter and the annoying squawks of slutty idiots. Cherri looked up at him, his smooth skin impeccable as always but he knew that under the uniform he had, there were probably millions of marks all over him since he told everyone he had a fetish with marking. His wide, innocent blue eyes were like that of a foreigner, attracting many a man and woman to him but it was said that his lean body was practically sinful. His cherry red lips parted in a smirk as he cockily held his nearly empty wine glass out while saying,

"Well technically Neko-chan, you aren't coming… you never come do you?" he tried not to stiffen as the state of his lower extremities were just brought into casual conversation as if it were an everyday thing. He wasn't ashamed of not being able to have an orgasm but the part of him that had humility knew that this was terribly embarrassing to bring up in front of others, "by the way can you be a peach and refill my wine? It's just about empty." His sharp teeth grit inside his mouth but he only nodded slightly, pouring whatever age wine this was into his glass but refusing to say anything on the topic of his sex-life.

"Aww, the poor neko-chan can't come? What about when you do it on your own?" One of the richer females across from him asked and he just knew by the light dancing in her frivolous eyes that she was just enjoying asking such personal questions that she'd never be able to alone. He ignored that one too since it was none of her business and that was his job description now wasn't it? He had full rights to be as irritated as he wanted with customers as long as he didn't yell at them or scare them. He focused extremely hard on the pouring liquid to channel out the nonstop yipping in his ear by the aristocratic woman who tried in vain to get his attention until she huffed and drained the rest of her own wine glass, "Hmph, does he really work here? He's so rude, unlike you three it's a wonder how he ever gets fucked. More wine Neko-chan." She demanded, making him narrow his eyes into near slits. He wanted to pour the bottle all over her head but he already knew how that would pan out.

"Ah, don't be so hard on him Hitori-sama. That's his charm point you see," the woman Vixen beside her giggled behind her hand at Hitori-sama's easy dismissal of him. Her coal black eyes sharply turned on him while she leaned back in her perfectly white dress, the fabric clinging to her figure as if it were made for her. The pure contrast of her pale skin and her dark features was one that made her one of the most requested in the club. She's had years in the host club business and she knew how to twist just about anyone around her little finger whether they wanted to or not. He thought that little trait was probably her namesake. She also had the quirky habit of constantly referring to people's "charm points" as she calls them. It reminded him of his sister and the way she always used to comment on the strength of muscles. "Ne, but you don't have to be so mean Neko-chan. She was only curious about you. Now could you be a dear and pour me a glass as well?" he felt as if his eye were twitching and he saw metaphorical medusa's snakes rise from her hair to try to freeze him into stone.

Of course he also poured a glass for her.

Hitori-sama's friends seemed to be chatting to fill the awkward silence his presence brought about and he filled her glass higher and higher until the bottle eventually ended with everyone asking for more alcohol. He really wished by now that they just couldn't afford it but she and her friends were regulars here and he knew that with a bit of effort and negotiation, they could buy Tokyo Ai from the owner and all of their contracts. "Neko-chan more. Since you can't possibly pleasure me in any other way at least fill my glass," the woman complained though she was already drunk. He sighed, stepping back and said his first words to her,

"The bottle is empty," she seemed to be startled at hearing his voice and turned her brown eyes up to meet his unsociable scowling ones in astonishment that he replied back to her. Afterwards she let out an inebriated giggle mixed with a whine and demanded that he go get more drinks for them. "With pleasure," He rolled his eyes sarcastically but complied to her request with relief left the room to get the chilled wine in the back. In the front the men and women laughed at the stupefied face of Hitori-sama who stared into her emptied glass with a slight blush on her face. Her internal musings busied upon why Tokyo Ai had such expensive flooring and the fact that that Neko-chan had quite the soothing voice for a brute.

"Hitori what are you blushing about? That rude man that just left?" the Asian woman's friend laughed at her, making her stiffen in embarrassment. Absolutely not, who would ever blush over someone as irritable as him? He can't even do his job as a lowly prostitute justice with that flaccid cock of his and he had no manners. Someone like her would never blush over someone like that. Nevertheless she grew defensive and said,

"N…Not rude. He's just cold that's all," though she will admit that she thought he was quite rude to herself. Her friends laughed at her justification and she pouted.

"We have a cool type here regardless, don't we Leo-sama?" One of the girls cooed as she laid her head on a very broad shoulder which the jacket of Tokyo Ai's uniform clung tightly to the large man's frame. He said nothing as thin, pink lips sipped the last of his own wine, which he'd been savoring unlike the drunken idiots surrounding him. It was high grade and he wasn't paying for it, in what world would he just down it like a cheap juice? Even though he was scowling at the girl clinging on him, she seemed not to mind his "cool ways" and continued to draw annoying patterns on the lapel of his jacket. He was tempted to just refuse altogether what the woman was insinuating since he wasn't like this because of his sales pitch. It was just how he was. But also contributing to his character was the trait that he usually let people he didn't care about do what they want so he let the matter be. "You're so cute when you're cold!"

Leaning back in her seat with a roll of her eyes, Hitori just let her friend bask in the showcase of arrogance exuding from Leo. Even if there were something to be cool about him, that Neko-chan seemed different than Leo. There seemed to be something hot instead of cold inside of him and she felt drawn in by that. But his was a hopeless case with whatever problem he seemed to have hosting like a normal person here. In the midst of her thoughts the door to the front quietly opened and as if a magnetic force drew their eyes to the door, their presence was immediately noticed. A girlish squeal emitted from the woman beside Vixen, causing even her to jump in fright and look to the girl beside her only to see her starry eyes. It was as if a celebrity had graced her presence with a kiss on her cheek. "Um… Madam, what might be wro—"

"Oh my Gosh! It's Nanase Haruka!" From the time she squealed the fateful message in the air for anyone to hear, the sound of necks cracking by the speed of which they turned echoed through the large hall and they met eyes with the one and only pop star whom had his face painted over Tokyo. The hosts themselves gained a striking sense of awe as if they were the ones getting hosted instead of the famous young man before them. His intense blue eyes they figured would look good above or below them as their passion exuded from the bed. It was a silent agreement between all of them in case such a miracle did happen that all regards to his wife would fly out the window and whoever got him first could do him. Monogamy couldn't happen without a little flirtation on the side right? Or else it would get boring. But even saying that the only thing that passed through their minds as they ran to his side as if they lacked proper training was 'please pick me'.

* * *

Haruka walked along the streets of the red district, a little more on the side of precocious with his hood dragged up to his eyes and a significant lack of anything designer on. It was an insistence of Makoto even though he was the one who forced him to go to this host club thing in the first place. He nearly backed down from him going when he heard where it was—deep in the area where prostitutes and drug dealers usually are. Haruka wasn't particularly afraid since he was a lot tougher than people made him out to be but at the same time it was highly recommended for him to go in disguise so that he didn't get robbed or anything. The only reason he complied was because he thought it would honestly be a hassle to get robbed and to be recognized or kidnapped, so he wore the large, dark hoodie to go to Tokyo Ai. Besides, if he did get robbed, his entire point for going to the host club would be null and void. A pure waste of his time.

He tugged at the casual clothing he had underneath, which basically consisted of jeans, gym shoes, and a casual sweater but because of the sunglasses and extra clothing, he felt uncomfortably warm. He managed to find the place easily enough however and he admitted to himself that it was actually classier-looking than he thought. It separated itself well from the dealers and dilapidated buildings yet at the same time he somehow got a negative aura from it. As if it's glowing appearance was to make up for something essential. Nevertheless, he was already there and there was no need to waste any more of his time with stalling outside. Makoto had made the firm point that if he finished early, he was more than welcome to come back to his house and work on his songs. Truthfully, he didn't even know how he was supposed to gain inspiration from a place like this but he supposed it tended to come randomly and without warning. Perhaps the shock will bring some lyrics to the forefront of his mind… _Let's just get this over with._

As he walked in to the building, he shed the dark lenses of his sunglasses and smoothly pulled off his hoodie with a finesse that spoke volumes to the people around him. In a business where you're made to change into multiple outfits in a short period of time as a norm, he got quite good at it eventually. But the sight he saw after the black veil of cotton was removed from his vision was surprising to him… well surprising might've been an understatement. When he looked up, the nearly empty pathway in front of him was blocked by a crowd; the one thing he hated most in the world. He could see that this was already going off to a bad start.

"Nanase Haruka? Why are you here of all places?"

"Shut up Tigress, don't ask him that question! He might get uncomfortable!"

"I'm catching him today, so back off you guys! Nanase-kun, over here, over here!"

"I can feed you!"

"I can suck you!"

He felt as if he were drowning in the sea of people pushing and shoving around him, all looking at him with the same eyes. That same looked gleamed in all of their expressions while they trapped him, cutting all escape routes and circling in closer. He could feel their eyes rake over his body; being used to having hundreds of eyes on him all the time, he could tell when he was being looked at. The particular tingly feeling spread throughout his body and in his shock he attempted to find a name for the strange countenance that decorated their features. Their voices seemed to all mesh together as desire dripped from their voice. Lust. A craving for his attention. As if coming here was having the opposite effect, Haruka could swear he felt his sex drive shrinking from all of this unwanted attention. It was like everyone was trying to pull him apart.

Suddenly in the background he heard a rhythmic, clicking noise. Like the sound of a woman walking in heels, "Silence! Or Nanase-san will surely take his business elsewhere!" Boomed the voice from behind the crowd. Her authoritarian voice cut through the cacophonic chatter and the noise level deteriorated within seconds. The swarming mass was divided by the presence of a woman whose face, decorated with striking red lipstick and flattering makeup, nonetheless was unlikeable to him. Her stature was short, however her heels and quality made her seem as if she were the tallest in the room as she slinked up to him in her short black dress. He almost expected her to try to recruit him into being her guest. However, instead of that a civil hand was extended to him and after staring at it for a second, he shook back making her grin widen. "Nanase-san this is an unexpected surprise. What brings you here?"

Strangely even more than those who were basically attacking him before, this encounter unnerved him more so. This woman seemed as if she were staring at him, taking every bit of him in and analyzing anything he said for possible use against him. He knew this stare simply because that was how Kou tended to stare at people or Nagisa—though they never had negative intentions upon it. Haruka's stare was even against her dark brown orbs and he showed no weakness as he spoke clearly back to her. Years of being bombarded by reporter and interviewers alike had taught him how people fed on weakness and though he didn't care what they said about him, he wanted not an inkling of these encounters breathed to his children. Especially this one. "Your hosting services were recommended to me…" seriously what else would he be there for? Otherwise he'd be at home.

He expected her to question him about his wife since he was there for those kind of services, but on the contrary she just nodded and remarked, "Well, I'm Shinju Kouta, the owner of this establishment. I will personally help you find your own host tonight. I'll have to ask first, what kind of host are you interested in? We have all types here that our guests categorize them by. Cool types, friendly types, arrogant types, cute types… what are your preferences?" She simultaneously lined the hosts up in an army-like fashion since they had all disregarded their own guests to rush to him. He could already feel the upset stares by the men whose women ditched them to possibly host for him. He turned to the hosts, finding that they were all aesthetically beautiful in their own way but he knew nothing of these "types" Shinju-san was speaking of. But he did know a way to narrow his choices down.

"I don't want a female," he stated, shocking the room, including the owner. He thought that perhaps she could see what he was there for but he needn't worry about this spilling to the press—Nagisa and Rei did their research and they said to appeal to higher class men and women, Tokyo Ai had a contract with the men and women they are with claiming to not share secrets clients tell staff. They could even be thrown in jail for it, so he could stand with little worry that the fact that he was hosted by a male will be all over the press the next day. The simple hassle of clearing that situation out made him pale.

Due to his wishes, the faces of half of Tokyo Ai fell in disappointment and the other half looked elated at their upped opportunity to get laid by the Nanase Haruka. Even the straight ones thought they would gladly bend his way both because of his beautiful looks and pockets full of cash. Haruka thought that any male should be fine when he walked in. After all this was only a test to see if they even interested him or not but strangely they all… looked shockingly alike. Whether their hair was black or blond, whether their eyes were green or blue, they looked the same to Haruka. He supposed that this was the result of having little to no experience admiring men. He felt completely out of his element. Shinju-san seemed to understand this as she ran to his aid,

"Are there any specific traits you're attracted to? Maybe a more feminine male, their softer and sometimes even cuter than women," she prattled and he looked at the examples before him but no matter who he looked at he felt disturbed. Seeing those little guys was like asking if Nagisa could hit on him, completely unappealing. He shook his head vehemently, shocking the smaller males so much so that one of them even ran off crying. Really, it was too much like the blonde he worked with. "I…I see, so you like heavier men? We have plenty of those here as well," she motioned to the rather large men with short, cropped hair which gave him seductive smiles in their relaxed uniform. His eye twitched as he found himself thinking of Makoto's similarities to their structure. The thought of Makoto hosting him was enough to just stop him from being serious altogether. It might even traumatize him. He shook his head once more and the list got smaller and smaller as he found that he apparently was comparing them all to his friends unintentionally and they left much to be desired. Even if they didn't have a likeness to his friends, he found their attempts to seduce him strange and they made him uncomfortable. Not to mention the meaningless chatter was just as boring to him. He found himself getting quite frustrated with the pure fact that he just couldn't find someone who just wanted to get to the point. They were all treating him like he could create gold or something and false pretenses were definitely not attractive to him.

With an unimpressed look at the weak selection before him, he could already hear the grumbling about how he was probably spoiled and picky, but he paid no mind to that. He would just have to tell the others that he wasn't attracted to males as he knew he wasn't. Shinju-san seemed a bit panicky since she was realizing that he might actually take his business elsewhere and was desperately pulling people up to him to entertain him but he could see that this was becoming a waste of his time as one after another was declared as boring to him. An uncomfortable silence draped over Tokyo Ai seeing as they had never had a person who had been dissatisfied with their wide selection of men and women before. It probably hurt their pride. Turning to her, he spoke up, "Shinju-san, I don't believe this is—"

He was interrupted by the quiet sound of glass shattering against the floor. Because the noise wasn't so loud he was sure it was something small, like a wine glass of some sort. He was also sure that had the room not been as quiet as it was then, he wouldn't have heard it at all. Though because of the interruption of the awkward air, all attention shifted back to the culprit who looked almost shocked himself that he dropped the glass to begin with. They locked eyes naturally, as if they'd had years of practice doing so, and the raven's blue orbs stared straight into the crimson ones that looked… strange to him. It was different from how everyone in Tokyo Ai or anywhere else stared at him. Their eyes all reflected desire for him, wanting something whether it be his body, his money, his fame, all of them had the same lingering desperation for his approval. But the eyes in front of him didn't look like that. They looked repulsed almost, as if he wanted nothing to do with him, as if he wished they never even caught each other's eye. Though his attention seemed to snap back when he realized what he'd done but what caught his attention was the fact that he also didn't run to him. In fact he said, "Ah, sorry… I… I'm gonna clean this…" and then he proceeded to scurry away from him quickly.

Things were quiet once more until he heard Shinju-san's nervous laughter behind him that sounded more like an angry hiss, "Don't worry about that idiot, Nanase-san. He's not really interesting regardless, I don't even have to show him to you." She seemed a bit antsy about the guy that just left but he caught her when she said that she wouldn't even show him the man. Was there something wrong? She seemed as if she was hiding something, not that he cared but so far the "idiot" was the only man who caught his attention.

"So you mean he's a host?" he asked her, clearly making her nervous enough to vehemently shake her head but then reconsider the man she was talking to. Nanase-san wasn't the type to appreciate white lies, besides there was no way that he'd want some defective newbie in his bed, that's probably why he even asked if he was a host. She herself still couldn't believe that redheaded idiot had the gall to run off without so much as a greeting to their very important guest. Looking to reassure Nanase-san of the quality of their hosts, she turned to him,

"He… he's really new you see. Really he's on the verge of being fired he's kind of useless. I don't think you'd want someone as belligerent as him for your host. Now, we still have a bit more of a selection if you follow me, I don't think you've met our top hosts yet," she guided him away from the mess that Rin had made, meanwhile the redhead was debating on whether he should even come out of hiding or not. His red eyes were wide and he had a ruffled appearance that told volumes on how surprised he was. _Fuck, why am I getting so worked up? But, more importantly why the hell is he even here? Now of all times?!_ Rin and he made eye contact for that short amount of time and he felt almost as if he'd went back in time. His voice made his stomach feel queasy as he easily identified it through the chatter, that deep, smooth baritone. He looked exactly the same as he did all those years ago…

Really, he could only feel lucky that he obviously didn't remember him. Even so, Rin's ears burned at his utterly ridiculous display of cowardice. If that baka Nanase-san didn't remember him, then he certainly didn't want to with how weird he acted. Crimson eyes looked toward the floor and his lightly trembling hand gripped the front of his collar, burning with the intense shame one could only feel when tripping up in front of… in front of who? His sister's husband? Wait, wait, once more he had to tell himself that Nanase-san was nothing to him. He was just a petty crush before, it was more like the awkwardness one felt when going to a high school reunion. He was probably just ashamed of how much ribbing he was going to get for embarrassing himself in front of a guest.

What he should really be uneasy over was the fact that he was there at all. He was married to his fucking sister, so what the hell was he doing at some whorehouse? His brain was spinning with a plethora of options to go with that question but none of them were guaranteed to be correct, making him feel more dazed and confused than anything. What happened to Gou? Were they divorced now? Were they fighting? Despite his not caring about Nanase-san, he couldn't doubt that he didn't look to be the type to cheat. But once more what did he know? He was virtually clueless about the guy right? Right. It didn't matter to him, it was their business and had nothing to do with him. One look and Nanase-san would be gone already.

He nodded while letting his face relax into its usual expression and emerging from behind the wall he was hiding behind to clean his own mess. _Not my business, not my business, he'll be gone before you know i—_ his thoughts were disrupted when he rounded the corner, bumping into someone. Scowling at his blunder, he backed up a few inches, rubbing his forehead where the impact had come from. A simple apology escaped him while his eyes stayed nailed to the floor, unwilling to look the other person in the eye to see their sneer. Though he didn't see the usual patent leather dress shoes in front of him when he looked down, nor did he see crème colored slacks. His eyes dilated while his heart painfully constricted in its shock when he was met with mildly expensive gym shoes and darkwashed jeans. _Fuck_.

"Hey, you do the host thing too right?" Rin suddenly felt as if he should've taken more steps away from him because his voice was ringing right next to his forehead and he could feel the other's body heat plastering itself onto him. He didn't like it, not at all. Looking up at him, he frowned and took a few more steps away from him. His hand gripping the back of his pants in order to not grip his arm self-consciously. Nanase-san didn't even remember who he was, he wasn't going to go stupid just because he got too close. At this point they were virtual strangers, there was no reason for his heart to be pounding like some immature teenage girl! At the end of the day, Rin didn't even ping on this guy's radar… Thinking about it like that caused a scowl to cross his face, very fitting for the irate face he wanted to give him.

His red eyes, blinked slowly in a condescending way as he looked up toward the other's unrelenting stare. His lips thinned in his effort not to gnaw at his lower lip and his furrowed brows hovered over unfriendly eyes to show his distaste for the entire interaction altogether. "Hmph, so what if I do?" his voice was deep and gruff, he hoped it was intimidating enough to ward the guy off but… it was strange. His even stare never ceased, staring right through his biting words without even a hint of recognition of the fact that he was making his heart waver just by his look. Those eyes arrested him, preventing him from moving away. It felt like he saw every twitch his face made and was taking notes or something. Why did he have to look at him like that? That stoic face of his really hasn't changed at all… he thought to himself wistfully but he just gripped the wrinkling fabric of his pants harder to stop such thoughts. Those types of thoughts brought nothing but trouble as erratic and unwanted memories popped in his mind sporadically of dark hair and moonlight tinted skin.

 _He's probably just curious about how someone who drops glasses could be considered a host or how someone with such a poor attitude could be request—_ "I want to buy your services for the night," he said bluntly with as serious a face as it could get. His rampant thoughts came crashing to a screeching halt and his eyes widened, mouth falling slack by the surprise rushing through him. Nanase-san… wanted to buy him for the night? His "services"? Rin felt a torrent of irrational irritation towards the raven despite the fact that he knew full well that when he came in that's what he was looking for that night. But he couldn't escape the sickening irony that was Nanase-san leaving his sister to fuck her brother who he'd forgotten. The anger coursing through him caused the surprised expression on his face to quickly melt off in the heatedness of his emotion.

"Tch, as if. Find someone else, I have to clean," he growled under his breath, pushing past he ever so slightly shorter man with the broom and dustpan he'd gotten from the closet. The rule here was that you may reject a customer of your services only once per year—usually the people here never use it, seeing what high-end clients they have. He hadn't used that trump card yet and was actually relieved that his gouging which guy was absolutely unacceptable under any circumstances was paying off here. It didn't have to be him after all, there were plenty of other warmer, better looking bodies surrounding them in the facility. There was no reason to pursue someone who already rejected you. There was also the petty satisfaction he felt as he knelt down beside the shards of broken glass at how he'd kept his cool.

The satisfaction didn't last too long after that.

When he stood to throw the glass away, he was immediately face to face with the blue-eyed man again, "You dislike me…" he said with a hint of both confusion and awe in his eyes, as if it were completely uncommon for him to come across someone who just didn't enjoy his presence. What, were his little feelings hurt? The more this guy spoke to him, the more he started to come off as a douche. Rin was glad about that because it enabled him to coolly brush past the man to throw the glass away, an uninterested aura coming off of him even as he felt the other's eyes on him. The room was deathly quiet as they moved their pseudo-conversation to the front under the watchful eyes of the rich and his co-workers.

"I don't really like any of the customers here, you're no different," he claimed without bothering to even glance back, "Seriously, you're annoying me. Either find someone else or get the hell out, I don't care which." The entire room seemed to gasp as he calmly put the cleaning products away, staying steady even as he was painfully aware of that idiot's eyes staring holes through his back. He could swear he heard a light intake of breath and the mumbled words that sounded like, 'I'm no different' come from behind him. Rin's head throbbed in annoyance, never had he seen this kind of douche before. While Nanase wasn't too outspoken in his arrogance the disbelief in his voice that someone just disliked him got under his skin like no other. The additional static noise of gossip that rang around the room made his presence there intolerable and he walked in the opposite direction of the man, happy he had nothing to do with him.

"Neko-chan…" an unearthly growl echoed above the mindless chatter, making it dim in the wake of the very pissed-looking Shinju-san. Haruka's eyes widened fractionally at how he could vividly imagine slithering snakes secreting from her scalp, her eyes so cold that he thought the redhead apparently called Neko-chan would turn to stone. He saw the faint stiffening around the other man's shoulder as he turned to look at her, yet his eyes were shockingly resolute about his decision not to serve him. Truthfully, Haruka was baffled at the moment. He certainly had met quite a few people who disliked him in his life, before and after he turned famous but somehow this… was different. He got the feeling that the host before him had absolutely no idea who he was. That is, unless he talked to all celebrities like that.

Even more than that was the additional, confusing information that even though he had no idea who he was, he seemed to recognize him from the brightness that entered his eyes as well as the apprehension that flickered through them when they first met eyes. Yet even as he seemed to know him from somewhere, the man turned the opposite direction—something that rarely ever happened to him—as if the last thing he wanted was to talk to him. In any other circumstance, Haruka probably would've let the man leave without trying to sway his opinion but today it was this trait that made the redhead irresistibly intriguing to him. After all Haruka had been wondering what his problem was to begin with. He'd ended up following him without knowing it himself, but even after expressing sincere interest the other seemed to be put off by him and even angered for some reason. Even normal people didn't have this kind of reaction right? How could someone just instantly dislike you?

The straw that broke the camel's back was when he finally said something to him, nothing less than a snarl was what he got in return. But when he asked why he disliked him… he said he treated anyone this way. He said that he wasn't special. In other words, this man wanted absolutely nothing from him nor did he want to do anything to him. To Neko-chan, Haruka was just like anyone else he'd meet on the street. A strange feeling bubbled in his chest that he figured must've been pure awe; it had been so long since anyone had told him such things, since someone treated him like he wasn't something to revere, he felt starved of such interaction. But, the brash redhead who disliked him was now being confronted by the owner of the establishment and she did not look pleased. To Haruka's surprise, the lady seemed to calm after her first few minutes of fury and she told him,

"Neko-chan… Nanase-san is an extremely valued customer who unexpectedly came here yet you give us a bad name by showing your ass to him. Your work ethic is lacking and your basic manners are appalling, there's nothing special about you either. But your high and mighty attitude has driven away enough customers. I've had enough," Haruka suddenly felt his heart thud forebodingly in his chest at this speech which felt strange to think to himself. It wasn't like he'd never seen someone get fired before, brutally sometimes even. But the light, filling feeling that previously was in his chest froze to an uncomfortable cold feeling that settled in the pit of his gut which only grew as he saw the fiery man's eyes widen in what could only be recognized as pure terror. Why was he getting so worked up over his job as a host? He didn't seem to like it… but regardless it seemed that there was a certain desperation in his face, a painful look that made it seem as if the floor was crumbling beneath the man yet he couldn't run away. Such an expression was something he'd never seen. Maybe that was why he felt this boiling concern in his stomach…

"I… I…" he stuttered, attempting to grasp at the edge that dissolved at his fingertips. The cold, even look Shinju-san was leveling him with made him fall silent, realizing that at this point nothing he said could take back the sin he just committed. This sin of treating Nanase Haruka like a normal person. He stared with conflicting feelings at the situation before him but his face reflected an unusual stoicness which belied his true feelings. Haruka didn't want Neko-chan to lose his job because of him yet the part of him that wanted to believe it wasn't his fault argued that he could probably get another job somewhere else other than this seedy business. But the way his hands clenched so tightly that Haruka thought his blunt nails might pierce the skin made him waver, what could he even do? "I can reject one person a year, that's the rule here. Whoever Nanase is now isn't my problem, I don't want anything from him nor do I need anything. There are plenty of other hosts here that can take him but I don't want the reason I get fired to be because of him being upset!"

Haruka's eyes widened as the feelings inside him turned hot, tingles sent flying down his spine from the thrill of Neko-chan's voice. It was like something out of a manga to the raven who studied his aggressive face as he stood alone against the queen. Haruka's presence in the room usually prohibited words like that from spilling. When in the face of fame and power even the strongest person crumbled and grew a spine as weak as jelly, their eyes filled with desire. Yet he again said he wanted nothing. Just the energy radiating from this person was foreign, rebellious as it was curious, creating a surge of want for him. For this man whose presence looked startlingly big. His blue eyes trailed to Shinju-san, wondering if she too was seeing what he saw, "Your logic would be right in a perfect world Neko-chan, but you're forgetting where and who you are. You don't have rights here and you live to please. The client is always right and your place will always be below them, whoever it is," she said with condescending look, "I've been contemplating over it for a while and you're more trouble than you're worth. Always have been really."

It was then that he heard the small giggles coming from the couch just next to him. His blue eyes turned to him and he saw that even as he was focused on the scene before him… there was not an eye in the room that wasn't on him, Nanse Haruka. It became even worse as the whispering began, laying salt on the wounded pride of the other man as stray comments could be heard.

"He really is rude, how could he say that to Nanase-san?"

"Who does he think he is? He can't even do his job properly. He an absolute waste, I saw cheers for firing him," A new round of laughter began at the other's expense before another woman opened her mouth. A woman who was notably not cheering but her lips were set in a smug grin.

"Tch, I don't know why he even bothered, and I'm absolutely baffled why Nanase-san thought he should play with such an idiot. Hmph, I'm sure kindness is just a charm point of Nanase-san. He's probably the type to pick up stray cats."

"Maybe he just heard of the five percent off deal on him," another voice giggled. Each voice which came from a condescending outside view seemed to insult him personally though nothing but good things were said about him. This is what happens when someone attempted to protect themselves and defend their rights? They get slandered? Neko-chan was not an idiot. He wasn't spineless… there was something more to him. Even without knowing him, Haruka could tell that much. But as another whisper passed through the air, he looked down with surprise to see his own hands clenching, his chest achingly hot. A new, wild resolve forming in him to ensure that man kept his job.

"Wai—what's Nanase-san doing?"

"He's walking towards Shinju-san, what is he doing?"

"Ahh, but he looks so cool…"

Rin couldn't help but inwardly laugh at himself. At what an idiot he was. He felt this familiar hollowing fear in his chest before, the feeling that told him that he'd screwed up once again. It felt as if he were empty and while everyone else could hold themselves against the wind, Rin blew carelessly and he was crushed under it. The feeling of uselessness. The words spoken to him now even in the heat of anger were not unfamiliar to him, he heard them daily even if he tried to tell himself otherwise. Silence was a cruel thing, when left in it for too long. As she calmly told him about his lack of worth, it felt as if a dam had broken in his mind, letting anything else he'd tried desperately to barricade back flood throw the cracks. Even though he knew the room wasn't silent, that was the only thing he heard. Locked in a room full of silence.

You're not special. _I know, it's not the first time I've heard that._

You're more trouble than you're worth. _I know, that's why I don't bother with friends._

You're a hindrance. _I know, why do you think I can't get a job?_

You're stupid.

You can't do anything.

You're not wanted.

You weren't that good of a worker anyway.

You're a waste…

He… he _knew_. As cruel as the biting words are, they only hurt him because he knew them to be true. A sick laugh that sounded grossly like himself echoed in the corners of his mind, sneering at him.

What a mistake it was to forget that even momentarily in front of Nanase-san. What had he even been trying to prove? That he wasn't easy? That he wouldn't do practically anything for money? That would be a lie. He'd always been able to filter himself, to give in easily, to let the mindless submission dominate whatever he did yet in the shock of meeting Nanase-san once again, all that had flew from his mind. He'd forgotten what world he lived in and now he would be punished for it. _Idiot, isn't this what you deserve?_ His gaze fell to the overly familiar sight of his feet while he awaited his termination, he no longer had the nerve to look her in the face. He hadn't known where all that had come from, he'd basically ditched every principal he'd repeated to himself since he worked here. Because of some stupid guy.

Lips thinned while he waited for those two fateful words, but rather than a laughing female voice, he heard a shocked gasp and a monotonous voice cut the silence, "Shinju-san, I apologize if this seems to be haughty but I would be pleased if you didn't fire Neko-chan. He's the only host here that I want, if he leaves then I will have to take my business elsewhere." Rin's eyes snapped wide open and he stared at the raven man before them, feeling his heart thud dangerously in his chest. Nanase-san was de…defending him? Even after all the things he said? He tried his damned hardest to be a jerk to him but he wants him? Rin met with his piercing blue eyes once more and he turned away, feeling his insides squirm in uncertainty. He could have anyone else here… so why… the only explanation Rin could come up with at the time was guilt. Even if he wasn't good at anything, Nanase-san didn't want to be responsible for him losing his job. It was the only thing that made sense as demeaning as it was. When he thought about it like that he was even unsure about taking such a filthy offer. But he felt like he'd already made far too many mistakes for one day. His silence, he hoped, conveyed that he was pissed about this yet ready to take his help.

The owner's eyes were wide in disbelief at the man's statement as were the rest of the establishment who were probably thinking: are you kidding me? "You want _him_ of all people? Nanase-san please reconsider. There are hundreds of boys here that would be happy to serve you and plenty of a higher caliber than—"

"Shinju-san, I want Neko-chan. Regardless of what you think…" Nanase turned to the redhead with a raised eyebrow, "he's the only one who's caught my attention. I'll request a private room please, the best one available." Even Rin was shocked at that point. The master private suite? Did he even know how much that cost? The master private suite was the biggest private room and the one that used up a good portion of funds to maintain. It was cleaned daily, had the softest sheets, the best bed, the best bathroom—which even came with a hot tub—and it even had a kitchen. It was more like an expensive apartment than a suite. Rose petals were scattered across the sheets daily and fresh food was put in the refrigerator in case the client got hungry. There was even a balcony. Really it was for those customers that were willing to pay for the best, most realistic romantic experience possible.

Shinju-san had to press her lips together since it wasn't every day that someone bought out that suite, the price being too formidable. However with Nanase-san, she was sure he would be able to afford it and it would be the biggest haul they had in months. Her mouth practically salivated at the offer and her eyes flickered back to the redhead who'd gotten his ass saved by the rich man. Her upper lip wanted to curl in disgust at something so unrealistic but it probably was just like Vixen said, Nanase-san was the type to pick up strays. When he saw how much of a hassle this one was, maybe he'll leave and she'll get to both fire that idiot and rake up the dough left behind. Such thoughts made her smile, the killer aura vanishing to be replaced with eagerness, "Ah, well if it's like that then I guess it can't be helped this time around. Neko-chan, there will be no refusing this customer. Cater to his every need and I mean every need or you're fired. Kay?"

Haruka felt slightly disturbed at her rapid character change but at least he'd accomplished what he wanted. Though the host in front of him stared accusingly at him for an unknown reason, making him confused. Shouldn't he be grateful that he saved him? Instead he narrowed his eyes and walked ahead of him, making a motion that he should follow him. He was taken up a spiral staircase and to a room far to the right. The door was large and seemed to be built more exquisitely than the others, "I'll be serving you for the night, Nanase-san, this is the private suite you asked for. I hope it will be to your liking." The other's robotic voice when giving such pleasantries amused him, yet even though it was quite rude the raven didn't want him to stop. Neko-chan seemed as if he were sulking rather than angry. He couldn't tell why though, was it really troublesome to just talk to him. The door opened and Haruka was surprised about his surroundings, the rose petals and fluffy sheets seemed a bit unnecessary but he would stay regardless.

"So, Neko-cha—" he paused when he suddenly felt warm hands drifting on his lower stomach, making him flinch in reaction. He swiftly turned to the side so he could see the redhead, confusion written all over his face. What was he doing? He just said that he didn't want anything from him, so why did he feel his hand crawl to the front of his jeans, "O… Oi!"

"Hmph, what shall I service you with first? I can't fuck you though."


	3. Awakening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WAAAHHH I UPDATED! I'M SOOOO PROUD!!!!!!

Haruka’s mind ran a hundred miles per hour, neurons simultaneously firing off inside his skull as he was wondering how this redhead could just casually throw him for a loop so many times in a single hour and how he could get out of the current situation that escalated far too quickly for his liking. He’d only come here to test this homosexual thing out, not to feel a different hand crawl down the front of his pants. Had he wanted to get jerked off, he was sure he could've just asked his wife--or even better to do it himself.

It was alarming to feel those long, foreign fingers brush the sensitive skin just above his boxers and he didn’t want things to go any further than they’d already gone. But, when he tried to get a word out, the slightly taller male wormed his hand down even lower to his actual cock, those warm fingers enclosing around his rounded head without hesitation—like he’d done this a million times. A thought like that made him lose all will to proceed further with this interaction, seeing as not only had this man lied to his face but he took advantage of him as well.

The raven wasn’t really the type to get upset at such matters, people used people all the time; it was how life worked. But… this man he thought… no he’d deceived himself into thinking that this one was different. That he was the exception to all those greedy hands reaching for his pockets or for his dick, he really should have known better than to place such expectations on a stranger, though it was unlike him to have thoughts like that to begin with. If it was anyone’s fault , it was his.

With that solemn thought in mind, he shivered deeply, taking the strange churning in his gut as a sign of displeasure—which was no surprise, seeing as he’d already known he wasn’t gay to begin with, but this was the answer he was looking for. Or rather, the excuse he needed to leave the premises without too much of a hassle. At least this Neko-chan had helped him get back to his song faster and without even having to endure life's little irritations known as small talk.

Somehow Haruka couldn't help being confused. Why did Neko-chan put up such resistance if this was what he wanted to do to begin with… wouldn't he be like any of the other people who flocked around him. True intentions eventually show—so perhaps he was just trying to catch his attention... His memory flickered back to that wondrous moment when the other's pink top lip furled lightly in disgust as he profusely declared not wanting anything to do with the idol. The rebelliousness continued even to say that he would lose his job so as to hold true to his beliefs, as flimsy as they seemed presently.

Another chilling shudder wracked through his lean frame, his hips squirming in discomfort to escape the other's grip. Haruka decided when he felt his attacker run his fingers up the underside of his cock that that line of thought was better left till later—if he wanted to leave without being further assaulted.

Rin sighed, almost bored at the systematic way his dexterous fingers slipped Nanase-san’s belt off almost seamlessly. He didn’t count but if he estimated, this was probably around the three hundredth belt he’d slipped off since he’d been in his business. He used to despise when his suitors wore belts, seeing as there was always that awkward pressure of having them push his head toward their erection before he’d even gotten the belt buckle undone. It was awkward enough as it was to even suck the guy off; he didn’t need them rushing him. But after a while he’d not only gotten better at taking belts off but other things as well. Depending on his suitors’ interests or, Kami-sama forbid, they actually preorder their kinks… well let’s just say Rin knew how to do a lot of interesting things because of some perverted rich boys.

That's what they all were right? Just perverted boys who see another ass who could potentially provide some enjoyment and ease their boredom. He was as good as a toy truck to them, the intimacy and closeness taken out of their interaction. But Nanase-san… he was still as death, as if he’d just received the shock of his life as Rin undid his zipper and slipped his hand inside easily. His hand had been clenching uneasily at the hand which fisted his cock and not a noise slipped from the famous person's lips. What was he being such a tight-ass for? He was the one who’d bought his services for the night, surely he knew what that entailed… maybe he liked being on the bottom…? That’s certainly unexpected.

Though seriously he should be beyond placing expectations beyond Nanase-san who just as quickly trampled all over them as uncaringly as when they first met and he asked for a host. Wasn't this just a cheeky situation altogether? His sister's husband who he'd previously been in love with turned to be an unfaithful lover who cheated on her with not only men but his prostitute brother-in-law of which he had no recollection. If this wasn't some Lifetime shit he was living right here...

There was a sting of satisfaction in this transaction of money for sex with the coveted Nanase Haruka. It was satisfying in the context that he, the suitor who was discarded even before he knew there was not chance, would be the one to be with Nanase-san tonight. He would be the one to finally engulf himself in the furious passion of lovemaking with a lost love... it sounded good like that didn't it?

But, those beautiful, sparkling words didn't properly describe this situation as the sting did. The sting of previous rejection and conflict whirled in his mind—it was his sister's husband. Sure he'd been the one to stare across the college campus like the embarrassing schoolboy he was and blush furiously when those oceanic eyes even took a glimpse at his direction, but it was Gou who had been the one to talk to him. It was Gou who entranced him with her charmingly powerful demeanor and her brilliant grin and it was he who was left with a weak, trembling constitution as he watched the back of their interlocked hands.

No matter how he thought about it, this was criminal. How dare he attempt to steal what wasn't his? By feeling this way, wasn't Rin disgusting as a brother? How dare Nanase-san? His righteous stomach flipped guiltily and he'd tried to reason that his job rested on this. She was a casualty in this emotionless transaction. He didn't mean to hurt Gou and Gou would probably never even find out... _I can't keep thinking about this. There's absolutely nothing I can do now except put this to the side and finish what I started in pleasing Nanase-san. It's just business, just business; it doesn't concern me when Nanase-san leaves. I need this job now. Just don't think about it..._

_Yeah, you're good at not thinking about it._

In the midst of increasing the speed of his hand which passed over softened flesh, curiosity surfaced in Rin’s purposefully blank mind. Normally a suitor would’ve already been hard and leaking, ready to forcefully move to the next step whether Rin liked it or not yet… the cock in his hand was unsettlingly soft. Even if many guys who come here to fuck him proclaimed their innocence of being gay, Rin must’ve thought there was a proverb somewhere that said “a hand is a hand, man or woman”. But Nanase-san was completely soft and his back was stiff as if there were rods digging perpetually into his spine. Was it nerves? Truthfully it didn’t matter what it was, Nanase-san in particular couldn’t leave dissatisfied with him. His boss was just waiting for the minute he screwed up to can him, “Oi… are you ner—whoa!”

The scenery before his eyes intriguingly blended into each other, colors bled into one another as his balance was shifted from under his feet and his senses were assailed by the scent of flora coming from the bed beneath him. Pried open from shock, crimson eyes stared up into Nanase-san’s only to feel the disconcerting sensation of cold water running down his back. He was tempted to look around for the culprit though he knew it had nothing to do with water more than the icy stare he was getting from the smaller man above him. The new life’s mission of his heart seemed to be to thump hard enough to crack a rib or two when he was faced with a stare like that. In this industry a stare like that could only mean that you seriously fucked up or you were seriously going to get fucked up. He’d gotten a lot of those stares a few years ago but it was mostly for his inexperience or willfulness… this time he was sure he had gone about procedures in the general way suitors liked it…

So why was he receiving this look which seemed to be specifically crafted to psychologically ruin him? All of a sudden all thoughts about clients and jobs flew out the window, the fire burning inside his body to defend himself as his fingertips turned clammy and his heart rushed through his ears. There was no time to play nice in situations like this. Letting his face sink into the most menacing scowl his face could muster without permanently scarring himself, he let the words he practiced roll off his tongue; he could only hope it was free of the embarrassing trembling feature he felt seep into the rest of his limbs, “What the fuck are you doing?”

Haruka stared idly down at the man he had pinned underneath his body, those hostile words completely ineffective towards him yet they served to confuse him yet again. Would a person who wanted to fuck someone talk to them like that? Why when he suddenly defended himself did his attacker spare a fleeting look of terror? Thin, sinewy muscle held down the larger body beneath him yet he was unprepared for when his own vision took a page from a washing machine as he was launched off the other quickly, landing in the same position he once held the other in. The violent treatment made his vision momentarily swim and confusion racked his brain when he hears a gentle swish in the distance. Painstakingly focusing on the man above, he grew irate when his confusion was cured by seeing the man shirtless and on top of him. Didn’t he get the message to stop? He didn’t want this; he didn’t want sex—especially from another guy! No, don’t go for your belt! Stop… _stop_! “Stop.”

The demand escaping his lips was satisfyingly firm, to the point where he was actually able to halt the other’s movements above him as he unzipped his pants to disturbingly reveal the lack of underwear underneath it all. A sigh of relief exited his system as he closed his eyes, knowing that the other won’t do much more besides this. Silence expanded in the room, awkward for both but the raven relished in the silence. It was that kind of silence where it felt almost criminal to break yet the situation was so repulsive they both wanted to get what they’re thinking off their chests.

Haruka though, figured he could salvage the silence by pushing the other off his lap. There was nothing to say, so he thought. Clearly he broke all misconceptions of romance that the other male thought they conceived so there was nothing that needed to be addressed right? He just wanted to go back to his house and get back to his song… except… what was that strange shaking on his chest. No, not large enough to be shaking… it felt more like the childish trembling one experiences after a nightmare. Trembling… azure eyes revealed themselves from behind pale lids as he looked above him to see the male looking back with not an angry face…. Not even a frustrated face.

The kind of face one would call not stormy, but rainy. So full of emotion, it looked ready to burst but the quivering of the other's lip as he tried hard not to express such feelings... he tried hard not to cry. His knuckles transformed into a shocking white while they gripped Haruka's shirt and a deadly sharp incisor gnawed on his lower lip, "W...Why...? Why are you being so difficult? It's already hard enough to do this, why save me if you're going to get me fired again?" His rough voice was thick with emotion, quaking in anger and confusion as he glared at him accusingly with those crystalline ruby eyes, "Nanase-san, is this some sort of game to you? What do you want from me?"

As storm clouds brewed overhead, Haruka casually stared at the sky and met its gaze with a calm stare of his own. Confusion was whirring in his head as he tried to connect piece by piece what this situation even was. A strange pit had started to gnaw at his chest when he looked at the other's sulking face... it was warm. The raven concluded that it was embarrassment most likely, seeing as there was another man crying unabashedly overhead. But, even that was unsure as uncertainty clouded the air now. As sure as he was before that Neko-chan had suddenly flipped the switch on him and chose to take advantage of him, he was just as sure now that this was not the case.

That he'd been under some misconception, that there was one vital piece of knowledge missing from this equation. Haruka heard the quivering in his voice as he forced with questions out and he figured Neko-chan must be just as confused as he was. There was something they both didn't know... the only answer Haruka could think of was to tell the truth himself.

"It isn't... a game. This is a host club right? I wanted to talk to someone," Haruka explained, "I came here to be charmed not fucked okay?" Red eyes froze and widened atop him as he looked at his serious expression. His red head cocked to the side in utter confusion and he frowned, unclenching his hands slowly and sitting up. Haruka felt a pull when he saw the motion, unsure of what he was exactly being pulled toward. He allowed himself to sit up as well to carefully watch the young man's next move.

"E...Eh? You wanted t-to talk?" there was shock in the man's voice; he was in total disbelief that he'd just wanted a conversation this entire time. Then... even more interestingly, the redhead's face seemed to burn a soft red as he sputtered in his defense, "Th...Then why did you buy this super expensive private room that _nobody_ rents out unless they're... well unless they're going to fuck?" A tone of complete awe of his ignorance in his voice that somehow grated on Haruka's nerves.

"Well, I didn't want everyone to try to listen in on the conversation, so I thought to buy a private room. I'm also not picking up this tab so I thought: why not buy the most expensive room?" Neko-chan gaped at him in amazement and much to the irritation of the raven man, a light snort came from above and he witness the upsetting sight of Neko-chan's shoulders shaking in amusement though the prominent expression on his face was more likely to be that of relief. Sagging shoulders, a small smile... but the one thing he could see the most change in was definitely his eyes. The way those reddened lenses softened combined with the remnants of his glistening tears... he almost looked like a new person. Feeling a need to rebuff the sudden onslaught of surprise, Haruka took a note of irritation, "Oi, don't laugh. Nothing's funny as far as I can tell."

A cough escaped Rin as he attempted to disguise his clear amusement over the situation. He couldn't help it with all the things that had been running through his mind, Nanase-san only wanted to have a conversation. Though it still wasn't clear why he couldn't have said conversation with his sister, he clearly didn't have those intentions toward him. How fortunate for his aching body and mind that he would get actual rest for today. Exhaling the humor and sheer relief from his body, Rin lifted himself off Nanase-san—he had to be uncomfortable by now right? After all another man was on his lap; he just had to ignore the rush of cold air suddenly felt in places that used to be warm. It wasn't that he was comfortable; he had been trying to push the other down and ride him before so this was a total step up… absolutely…

Rin bit his lip as his now cold body said otherwise and he coughed as if he could dislodge the uncomfortable feeling in his chest with those methods, "A-Ah... no need to be uptight about it, I get it. You clearly don't know what Tokyo Ai really is huh. Pulled in by the ads saying it was a successful host club, right? Great conversations that really simulate real relationships and whatnot, I totally get it. Um..." Shit now he was prattling, get ahold of yourself Rin! _This is definitely not the first time you've just talked to someone! Well, civilly talked to someone... it's been awhile..._

At this realization, he stopped talking completely like his unbounded words had suddenly decided to ricochet back into his tightening throat. He would start pacing, but he's actually pretty sore and that would _really_ make him look weird; so he did the next best thing and washed out a few glasses in the convenient kitchen sink this room had. There was chilled wine here to make what was looking to be a fucking uncomfortable conversation go faster, "Well, it's not really. It's more like a whorehouse to be honest. When you buy these rooms, it's expected that you go in and do... well the do."

“Whorehouse… then… you’re a prostitute?” The stream of wine he was pouring for himself shook as his eyes shot up to look at the other man’s bland expression—he looked as if it wasn’t him that called out the giant elephant in the room. What the hell? Doesn’t he have any kind of filter?! His cheeks burned bright red while he turned his attention back to his glass to have just enough time to stop it from overflowing. He was actually quite lucky the tight grip of his didn’t shatter the delicate glassware altogether. He placed the bottle back in the ice on the side table—not that he was going to bother pouring that asshole a glass—before he took his own glass and downed the dark, smooth liquid. The bitter taste of it was somehow refreshing, fitting to this bitter event, and the dull sweetness spread warmly on his taste buds.

After drinking to one of the most uncomfortable silences he’s ever experienced in his entire life, Rin answered truthfully. Seeing as he was never going to see Nanase-san after this, he saw no real reason to lie. He couldn’t even tell Gou seeing as he had no idea that they were even related, “Yeah, I fuck for money so I’m probably a prostitute.” A small laugh escaped from him as he couldn’t believe he was even humoring him at all. Sitting beside the other man on the bed, he turned an inquisitive look to him, “What about you? Whether you were looking for a prostitute or not, you still ordered a host. A good-looking guy like you could have anyone you want. Yet you’re walking around single?”

He mentally gave himself a high-five for sounding so authentic in his lack of knowledge on the man. Well, he couldn’t deny that he didn’t know if he was still married to his sister or not, which was actually the main point of him asking in the first place, but he certainly couldn’t let him know that he actually knew who he was. Staring down the older man, Rin took a deeper drag of his wine and never took his eyes off him. He actually had the decency to look a bit self-conscious, staring down at the crisp yet fluffy, white sheets. Slender fingers picked apart an guiltless rose petal and he said, “I came here because of my friends.”

Haruka’s could feel the tell-tale signs of embarrassment ticking his senses, the light heat on his ears, the way he felt he shouldn’t stop fidgeting so obviously no matter what… he cursed his friends for getting him into such a predicament. Now he had a prostitute, who had already attempted to sexually assault him, stare him down while casually draining his wine glass while asking about his romantic life. Luckily he knew he was stone-faced enough that even that slight embarrassment wouldn’t show in the dimness of the room. Though he probably was a bit rude when he asked if the other was a prostitute… Haruka had yet to look back at the redhead beside him even though what he said wasn’t really embarrassing. It was the truth at that… so why was there silence? He knew he didn’t mind it but it was clear for the man who had to take a drink each time there was a gap in the conversation, silence bothered him.

“Your friends thought you needed to go to a whorehouse?” The skeptical tone echoed around the room, that smooth tenor just on the boarder of amused grated his nerves. What did he know? Does a prostitute really have a place to judge him? Sounds of splashing liquid against a fine glass filled the room—Haruka wondered if this Neko-chan was looking to get drunk while he was apparently off duty. But, before he even had much more time to contemplate that theory, Haruka’s shoulder was taken by a firm hold and he was forced back into a laying position.

Instinctively, Haruka sent a harsh look to the redhead holding him down. Said redhead had a mild dusting of a blush along his face, probably due to the alcohol running through his system. Was he really going to try and fuck him again? “Whoa, whoa hold your horses there with your glare. I’m not doing anything but you’re going to have to relax if you want to manage to talk to anyone. You’re tensing up with just a few questions, how are you going to manage a conversation?”

“Oh, and suddenly now you’re the knowledgeable conversationalist? What should I do, follow your example on getting drunk before you can really listen?” Inwardly, Haruka frowned at the way he was talking to him. Oh, he wasn’t guilty. Far from it. But he mourned the loss of his competent, controlled voice as he replied saucily to Neko-chan. This wasn’t… like him at all… Usually if he were irritated or upset, he just wouldn’t speak to who was upsetting him. Why make more conversation with someone who’s stressing you out already? But to this man, before he realizes he’s fueling the fire, he’s already shot back at him. It was annoying to say the least.

“Tsk, for your information this alcohol is because you’re so damn awkward it’s agonizing trying to pull words from you, but I’m listening just fine…” The raven’s attention snapped back to the man who was lying next to him on his stomach. He was surprised as he looked to see Neko-chan’s full attention on him… well actually now that he thought about it he had been looking at him for a while now. He stared at him from underneath his dark lashes, a warm, gentle look on his face that clashed with the reluctant tone he was taking. Relaxed and focused on him, it was as if he wouldn’t dare turn his attention away, “Talk as long as you want. I’ll listen.” It was a familiar look… almost motherly.

So swiftly that he heard the blood swishing through his ears, he turned away from Neko-chan. _What the hell am I thinking? Motherly? He’s a prostitute—a very male prostitute. He just happens to be a mellow drunk, I guess. No reason to let him unsettle me, I’m getting upset for nothing._ His jaw twitched and he reached forward, grabbing the prostitute’s glass and downing the rest of the wine with no regard to where his mouth might have been. The bitterness stung but it allowed for a wonderful deterrent from his idiotic thoughts. Being an idol meant a lot of unnecessary partying, of course there was alcohol running for days so he felt he’d built a strong tolerance for it. However, the initial rush of alcohol to his brain did make to loosen the tight lock on his thoughts and for the first time tonight he thought that redhead might’ve been onto something.

“I… I think there might… be something wrong with me,” he said slowly, glancing at his empty glass while spinning with the delicate stem. From above, the young man expertly poured a nice helping of wine into his glass. His silence was somewhat comforting as Haruka took another sip—this one better than the first, “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being gay… but I don’t think I’m gay. Despite this, somehow because of my behavior, that’s what my friends are under the impression of.” Just the remembrance of the uncomfortable ordeal was enough to make him take a sizable gulp.

“Why would they think that?” There was nothing in the tone of his voice that indicated this, but somehow Haruka thought Neko-chan to be on his side. Well, his side is the more rational side, at least he thought so. “Though an even better question would be to ask, why do you think there’s something wrong with you?” He exhaled strongly, closing his eyes as he drained the rest of his glass. He felt grateful for the warmth running down his body; it really took the edge off the powerful reality he had to face sooner or later. Though what reality he’d be facing, he didn’t know.

The impressionable pause in between this question and his answered was swiftly ended by his voice, “I have a wife and two beautiful children. I make a large living off of my career as an idol and I can live comfortably, my coworkers are the best friends I've ever had. To me it feels almost strange to have a complaint about my life, but much to the concern of my friends… my wife is currently cheating on me.” The jolt in the bed most definitely wasn’t by him told him Neko-chan's reaction to the problem. The walls bent inward through the sight of the drained glass and the rejected drops of darkened red eased their way down the clear walls to the gulf of the cup. It was a fascinating sight for one who wasn't looking to see the pitying look that surely must've been on his face.

Whoever he told had that same reaction--albeit he'd only told his closest friends. There was always that shock, initial anger, then pity as if looking at him as if he were an entirely different person altogether. His feelings and thoughts about the situation were written off as excuses to hide the agony that _must_ be wrought within the person being cheated on. His carrying on like usual was considered to be a coping mechanism to cover his newly born insecurities, no one listened truthfully. Not even Makoto, who knew him inside and out. The real issue dwelled within him, not Gou. It didn't lie in whether he was being cheated on or not, what he was worried really was about—

"Oi, Nanase-san! What's really the matter with you?" The glass nearly slipped out of Haruka's hands as his slightly widened eyes moved swiftly to face the flushed redhead who looked almost skeptical of whether he was actually being cheated on or not. How could he so blatantly disregard an obvious troublesome issue like that, he knew he didn't particularly look like the victim of a scandal but Haruka was just starting to believe that this Neko-chan was just being difficult to be difficult. How was he supposed to know that wasn’t the real issue? Even more than people who lie, he hated those who were contrary to try and be falsely deep.

"I'm not lying, I'm actually being cheated on. Don't you think it's a bit contradictory to just dismiss someone's issue when you're the one who asked to hear them?" Haruka asked a bit defensively. He had no idea what he could've been getting defensive about—the scandal? The judgment coming from the prostitute? Who knew, but suddenly the issue about cheating which previously had been more of a surface issue was threatening to be penetrated. The mole-like self-doubt growing beneath it all was flowing like magma under a volcano that everyone assumed to be dormant. The ambiguity created an off-balance feeling inside of him yet the words that wanted to speak were caught, stuck in his throat forcefully. Why should he tell him what the issue was? He was a stranger; he probably wouldn't believe him either. He would probably try to "fix" him.

"Tch, I never said that wasn't true but... look if that were the issue then why are you here with another guy testing to see if you're gay? A man who is hurt or angry over something--especially their partner--isn't going to do this. _This_ points to a different issue altogether," Rin stared at the hard-faced man who stared emptily through his glass. Someone who was getting cheated on wouldn't just want to talk. Someone who was betrayed would be angry, passionate! They strive to dominate their next partner and crush them under their weight without room for escape. They cried out their lost partner's name, they wept, they ruined, they _felt_ something. Rin got the strange feeling that Nanase-san didn't care much at all that his sister cheated on him.

He watched those pink lips purse once more, as if debating with himself. He probably was thinking about whether he should tell him—a complete stranger—his underlying problems that weren't so obvious. He could never be too sure however with his icy face that never yielded. Trying to decipher what he was thinking was a trial in itself like trying to balance yourself on black ice. Though finally, the barest sigh pierced the thickened air and he turned to Rin, whose heart proceeded to leap into his throat at the sight.

_It's nearly identical to that night... no, no this isn't that. This is the present, Nanase-san and I are not... we aren't the same, this situation isn't the same! Just because his impossibly blue eyes just barely quivered in that way they rarely did, just because the moonlight spilled over the bed to his rose covered form, catching in his hair... his skin…_

"Neko-chan... I'm not entirely _sure_ what's wrong..." he said softly, snapping him out of his daze enough for him to slap himself back into attention. He bit his lip sharply and wondered if the other male in the bed could feel his trembling heart. But it wasn't like that. He was a listening ear, if he had any pride in his feeling, in his heart, he had to stop his feeling. It was disgusting. Taking a deep breath, he exhaled in an effort to suffocate any of the butterflies which had been romping carelessly through his stomach and focused on the man before him who ran a hand through his hair, "You're the first person to actually catch this, the first person to actually listen without assumptions."

There was pure silence for the smallest moment as he took in a breath, "I just... I love my wife. She's... she's done so much for me and tolerated me... I want to see her happy. That's why I can't... _I can't say anything_. She looks so happy when she's with me but she also is just as happy leaving at any time of the day. And no matter what anyone says, any condolences, any hatred on my behalf... I can't just say I didn't see it coming. I know I'm not satisfying her and I know when she stares at me some days, she wants to ask but she knows I just..." Suddenly Haruka sat straight up, words lodging in his throat so tightly that he wanted to cough to clear it once more. It was probably the fact that saying it out loud--at least to him--would solidify the fact that he was different. That this would just be one other thing that would take him even farther away from being ordinary again...

"Nanase-san," the smooth tenor of the man beside him took his attention and he was shocked to see his lips turned upward in a small shaky smile that looked like it hadn’t been used in so long, the other had almost forgotten it. He held up the nearly half-empty bottle of wine and he gratefully held his glass out to drink even more. He would really need some time to recuperate tomorrow after this hangover took place. His presence, like the wine, was warm and relaxing whether he liked it or not. That small, tentative smile which stared at him oozed with a subtle sweetness that he knew nothing of. And also, like the smooth liquid passing down his throat, there was belatedness to his flavor. Bittersweet.

"I don't really enjoy sex too much. Doing erotic things... fucking her... my body would behave normally but I'm never really too interested. It's... boring. It always has been. I've never looked at anyone and felt that sexual attraction that might separate marriage from friendship. To think of it now, I thought it was a miracle that I even ended up with children and a wife..." his voice dimmed toward the end into a mutter, as if he'd exhaled the admission from his body, "It's nice to hold her and kiss her but that obviously doesn't satisfy her as much as it does me. And I'm just never as passionate as she is when we do it. I feel like I do her a disservice by having her stay with me. So my friends say I just might be attracted to men instead, but I doubt it. I just don't know what's wrong with me... I've never thought about it."

Rin sickened himself with the way his heart simultaneously soared and crashed with this information that Nanase-san wasn't happy in his marriage. There was nothing to get his hopes up for, he didn't even like women too much and doubted his liking men. But... when he saw the flushed cheeks of the other... the downcast intense blue eyes... his interest stirred like it hadn't in a while. It was because of his old crush he was sure. The preserved memory of him encased in his mind prevented him from freeing his emotions, there was no way he actually liked him. He was just getting stupidly caught up in his feelings like he always did. Nevertheless with this information, he couldn't help asking the raven, "Then... why did you marry her?"

A slow blink was his response and Nanase-san's serious expression stared at the skylight in the ceiling in a picturesque way, "Because... it was easiest. I always felt like if I would marry anyone, it would be her."

Rin gulped harshly, the small smile that was once on his lips evaporating as if it were never there to begin with. Those crimson red eyes dimmed like blood exposed to air but he couldn't bring himself to say that he thought he had a chance to begin with. Rin knew it was nothing of the sort; he had just been waiting this entire time for this moment. For Nanase-san to crush him once and for all so he could move on with his life. Though he wasn't sure if closure was supposed to feel this sour, if it was supposed to make it feel like he had swallowed a handful of rocks, he couldn't leave the other like this... Rin would suffer but he couldn't let the other struggle with something like this. Finally his services might be used for good.

"Well... I see... if you still wanted to test it out, we could do something light," At the flat look that the azure-eyed man gave him, Rin stiffened and blushed as if he hadn't done those things the other was thinking of before, "I... Idiot, I don't mean that way! Like... something like cuddling. If you kind of like cuddling with a guy then there's a chance you might lean that way, but if it's uncomfortable and weird then you still have your answer. Hmph, there's more ways to test it than just sex pervert."

"According to the blush on your face, you were probably thinking the same thing I was," Haruka said, finding a strange enjoyment in the way the other's cheeks reddened more and he got closer to him, glaring defensively.

"I... I... w-was not. I'm not even blushing it's the alcohol! Your cheeks are red too!" Settling back, he crossed his arms seriously and stared at him so intensely it felt like he was getting burned in that particular area, "So... which do you prefer? Big spoon or little spoon?" An arched eyebrow lifted and Haruka at least had the decency to look unimpressed at such an offer even as he contemplated it. Neko-chan was just about the same height as him though Haruka was thinking he might've been the slightest bit taller than the redhead. He looked younger than him but he had a lot of strength built in his muscled body. Then there was also his physic; Neko-chan was actually quite well-developed, having strong peck muscles and sturdy shoulders. But even though he slimmed out near the waist while his hips flared out ever so slightly as was apparent from the way his pants slipped further down his waist... theoretically he thought Rin might fit better behind him.

Suddenly a surge of indignation ran through him, negating his earlier analysis. It surprised him since not only had it come so abruptly but it was unexpected. Haruka thought that it was probably his pride as a man welling up, seeing as despite his passive personality, he despised submitting to anyone. Instantly he turned to Neko-chan, seeing him squirm in a strange way that reminded him of nervousness. Though he couldn't imagine a prostitute actually getting nervous over something like this when just before he was getting ready to let him fuck him.

He shook his head at the irony and leaned forward to the other, "Lay down, I'm the big spoon." Those flighty eyes which looked at anywhere other than him turned to focus on his form, widening momentarily only to swiftly turn away from him and lay on his side. Haruka would've said he was eager had it not been for the burning red ears he could see.

Slowly, he lay down beside him and briefly was unsure of what to do. He thought of pretending that Neko-chan was Gou to make it easier on him but then he knew that would just negate the purpose of even trying to see if he liked guys. Besides, Rin was far too muscular to be similar to Gou's small, lithe body. But holding someone was the same either way wasn't it?

Reaching out, the raven placed a soft hand on the other's side. He jolted at his touch, surprisingly sensitive for someone who not even a few hours ago was jerking him off. There was a brief concern for his wellbeing but he soon dismissed it while sliding his hand over his abdomen, feeling the muscles quiver under his touch... that was familiar. He recognized the peculiar sensation but feeling it himself almost put things into perspective. There he was, behind a man, easing his pelvis up to cradle another man's ass as he ran his fingers gently up his abs. Neko-chan was human; a human male. Not just a prostitute. And even so this was a first for him.

"Hey... are you alright?" The words were quiet and barely breathed out as his arms encircled the other from behind, his back coming in contact with his chest. He felt slightly awkward because even though he was the slightest bit taller, Neko-chan was about the same height. His face was met with darkened red locks, the other's spine touched his torso, and the other wasn't girly in the slightest... but it was warm. And certain parts of the man were actually soft...

Not only that, but there was a brilliant scent suddenly passing through his senses. The longish hair that turned a peculiar shade of magenta when the moonlight struck it tickled his nose, filling it with... flowers. He smelled like a strong scent of spring, like when he took his kids out to the Sakura tree festival and they were surrounded by the falling, pink leaves of blossoms. So sweet but not sickeningly so. He always hated it when Gou wore scented things as it overwhelmed his sensitive nose and eventually gave him a headache. He always said that he preferred her natural scent to anything else she wore... but he could never say that she smelled like this. Gou had a spicy scent but the smell of Neko-chan's hair made him inhale deeper.

"Tch, of--of course I'm alright. Th-The question is really i-if you're alright... after all you're the least experience one here. Is... is it awkward?" he asked, a cocky edge to his unsure voice that Haruka huffed a small laugh at. His thumb drew a small line directly above Neko-chan's navel, slightly marveling at the way the other's skin felt. Guys didn't normally have skin that felt like this right? Was his skin that soft? It was ridiculously smooth with not a hint of hair. Haruka blinked, realizing that the other had actually asked him something just then.

"It's... different. I guess it's not so bad though; your shampoo smells sweet," that caused the redhead's shoulders to tense and lift while he turned to Haruka. He looked confused at that comment and equally as embarrassed.

"You... you're embarrassing. You know that?" Rin couldn't believe how much of a mistake he'd just made. He... he hated this. He felt so awkward and stiff in front of Nanase-san. He hadn't even wanted him to be close enough to feel body heat and how he was in his arms. Shirtless at that. Regardless of whether he actually liked Nanase-san or not, he was still a gay man! This man was potentially straight and had a wife! Regardless of how he felt about her, Rin could still feel the cool metal of the ring embedding himself in his abdomen. It was as if it was reminding him not to get too comfortable, not to melt into the other's cool hands at his waist, not to shudder at the small puffs of warm breath he felt against his neck... because at the end of it all, he had a wife.

Because in the end he was a prostitute.

This wasn't theirs... it was nothing.

"Hm... Neko-chan," Ah, that's right. Nanase-san didn't even have his actual name. He reluctantly answered to the name which served as yet another barrier. Though he wasn’t trying to fuck him, he couldn’t believe he still had to be reminded of the fact that he is indeed a suitor. He would never even call out his real name, just the name he was given in the passion of the night. He had no name here, "You... what do you like to do?"

Automatically, Rin's response—surprised and involuntary as his assumption—was, "E-Eh?! Nanase-san I thought you were straight!" He felt stiffening behind him and turned to take a glance at him to see the flat face of the raven staring back at him. He sighed, pursing his lips in that habit that Rin was noting was probably from annoyance.

"No, baka, just what would I ask you that for? I'm talking to you about hobbies," Just hearing that sentence sounded foreign to him. The turnout of things truly surprised Rin. Hobbies? Why would he ask him something like that? Just what did he want to hear? 'My hobby is pleasing you?' 'Master, my hobby is being spanked?' there were a variety of answers over the years that he had accumulated but for once not one of them would be useful in such a situation. It was a shock for certain, the fact that this man was asking him what his honest hobbies were. Wasn't this a breach in some agreement of another? Suitors didn't just ask hosts what they liked to do.

But unsure of what else to do, Rin reluctantly let a single word slip from his lips and realized he hadn't drank enough to take the sobriety off of this, "M…Music. I-I like music." The answer echoed within the darkened room and suddenly Rin felt just the slightest bit ashamed. It was disappointingly light in the room by the moonlight shining upon them; he wanted the red of his body to be muted. He wasn't used to telling people things he liked to do—well at least not without a negative response. He hadn’t confided confidently in someone about things he enjoyed since he was in grade school, and as far as he could remember that was the last time he confided in anyone at all.

"Really? You like music?" There was an ecstatic voice speaking behind and above him. Well it wasn't so much ecstatic as it was slightly pitched--though for Nanase-san he could probably say such inflection on his voice was something amazing. Was he also into music...? Rin's eyes widened slightly as he questioned himself, because no later than when he did his mind seemed to catapult him into a shaky, grainy fragment of the past.

The sweet sound of piano keys danced through the afternoon, a nostalgic tone to the piece which made the muscle in Rin's chest squeeze. He remembered peering from behind the wall of the music room which was in the college his sister attended and staring at _him_. That's right, how could he have forgotten? The azure eyed boy had always had an affinity for music. He always went around telling everyone that music had a soul and each song was its own person. Foolishly, if anyone flirtatiously asked him for musical advice, the only thing he had to say was "feel it for yourself, if you let your heart hear the music that's all you'll ever need".

As sappy and romantic as Rin thought it had been at the time, he'd also been thoroughly convinced the boy was a nutcase. The way he got so passionate when playing a certain piece, the way his face remained calm even as he caressed the keys into a gentle crescendo... certainly he shouldn't be surprised that he was excited over this topic. The words that escaped him were tragically gentle, annoying him in the sense that he sounded shy and timid, "Y...Yeah... I would like to major in it actually... eventually..."

Haruka's eyes narrowed in curiosity then. He liked music so much that he wanted to major in it... there was nothing to him that suggested he had such tastes. There was nothing in his job choice that said he liked it either. Haruka usually just said the things that were on his mind, the words spilling out sometimes before he even has time to reconsider what he says. The only redeemable thing he could take from that trait was the fact that he at least tended not to lie. It was seldom that he even talked but when he did, he was actually described as being brash. He couldn't deny that when he asked the prostitute this question, that he was undoubtedly being more of a social misfit than necessary, "You like music... then why are you here?"

There was a deafening hush in response to that, screaming into both of their ears that talking must've been the biggest mistake they've ever made. Even the steel-nerved Haruka couldn't help feeling prickly with guilt after what he just asked. His arms unconsciously pulled the other a bit more snug to his body as if he were physically trying to ask for forgiveness for something he knew he did wrong. Disappointment hooked strongly within him when he felt the other stiffen violently within his hold. Surely he must've been offended... he also couldn't help feeling upset at his own feelings. The raven usually didn't experience too much guilt, seeing as he said what he meant and nearly always meant what he said. He just got the feeling that if he wasn't talking to the redhead, who curled defenselessly into himself, he wouldn't feel a thing.

Yet, as the night flashed through his eyes on his supportive stare, sharing a drink and his secrets and fears... he'd been so warm even through this misunderstanding. Even when he snapped at him occasionally, he'd still been very comforting only for Haruka to say that to him. He was a dick.

Nervous energy built up inside Rin. He was itching in his discomfort from the innocent enough question that Nanase-san had asked. He felt like he should be offended; he probably should but.... It wasn't as if it wasn't valid; after all why was he—someone who enjoyed writing songs—a prostitute? And for so long at that? Why couldn't he find another job to support himself? Why whenever he even thought about quitting, did the opportunity become impossible to him? What was his purpose? Did he... on some deep psychological level like getting fucked? No! It's definitely not that!

The men that come in to this establishment are disgusting perverts. He would never like to submit to the likes of them! But he couldn't reject the facts, even if it made his stomach pitch with fear... with abhorrence of the possibility itself. He wanted to curl up and clutch his head to keep the thoughts from spreading, to stop the poisonous silence from deluding him into taking the other man's words more into account than he should. He's... he's a lunatic who says you should feel the music, Rin shouldn't take him seriously at all! He... He...

A smooth baritone spoke to him in his ear, the warm breath that ghosted over it made him shiver in the warmth that seemed to engulf his entire body. It startled him, making his body jolt in surprise yet he listened attentively. It was only then that he registered the fact that he was gasping for breath and that his body shuddered in the literal revulsion he felt. He just wanted to climb out of his own skin. Naturally, as if it was in his genetics to soak in the words said by this man, he couldn’t help listening to the comforting murmur, "I'm sorry. You don't need to say anymore."

He had to apologize, as easy as it was to say the insult it was just as natural to let an apology slip through his lips. To accommodate the other's distance, he curled around him—not trying to let him get too small. Every time he inched closer to himself, Haruka felt the distance cooling him unpleasantly. Neko-chan was warm... like a pet you didn't want to let go of just yet. However, strangely he thought he must've made the other uncomfortable in some way. The other just kept squirming and shuddering in his hold like he was trying to break free all while contemplating what he just said to him. His ass ground back into him involuntarily, burrowing into the crevice of his hips. The sensation however... wasn't nauseating. It felt familiar, but this feeling had never come from cuddling with Gou before.

A tingling at the pit of his stomach started out with each small twitch of the other's hips. He wasn't quite sure what it was... it gave him a feeling of something he knew yet had so little relevance that he'd forgotten the sensation. Silence dragged on after his abrupt apology and the little motions continued. Had he been doing that all this time? What about that nagging feeling that was tugging deep within his lower belly. It felt as if someone were playing with a string connected to his navel. Deep within his thoughts on the strange feeling bubbling in his gut, Haruka felt surprise when he received a small, tentative nod in response to the apology.

It was only with another slight fidget that the epiphany rose on the young man who froze along with the male he was holding. If the man in his arms had been squirming before, he was as still as a painting now. So still Haruka wondered if he actually felt what he thought he was feeling... but the red flush that seemed to taint the other's skin down to the third ridge in his spine told him exactly what he suspected was true. "T...T...Teme… what the hell? You're hard, you fucking pervert!" The furious face of the prostitute was what he saw as a reaction the erection snuggled firmly on the seam of the redhead's slacks.

"Why am I a pervert? You were the one who was squirming on me! I... I'm just as surprised as you, it usually doesn't take so little..." the shock reflected in his voice as he stared wide-eyed at the other, clueless as to what to do in such a situation. And with the other moving around so much, rubbing himself there, he couldn't stop the natural reaction! The surprise must've confirmed to the red-eyed male his innocence in the reaction taking place because while he was still glaring, a flush seemed to bloom on his cheeks and his eyes softened towards him. It was as if he was trying very hard to be angry with him yet couldn't find it in him.

"Hmph, then you... you want to try s-something else? Is that it?" he asked as if Haruka had been the one to stake the proposal himself though all he got in response was an empty look from the other. "I mean like something else light but... this time... s-s-sexual..." Man, for a prostitute he was sure shy around the word sex. The proposal in itself shocked the idol, not expecting the other male to be so forward. Neko-chan seemed like the type to be too shy to come straight for you in such matters but this was so direct even Haruka was off-put. He hadn't really known the right words to say at that point because even while he wasn't really interested in sex... he did have a boner and it raised all kinds of unanswered questions.

Before he knew it, it was like first entering the room again. Neko-chan had rolled on top of him and swiftly taken off the t-shirt he'd been wearing, leaving him bare on a bed full of roses, and another half-naked man. He felt the warmth of the other’s bare skin for the first time scorching into his skin in a way he would love to say he didn’t want more of. Neko-chan's eyes roamed curiously down his lean chest and stopped at the erection that was now uncomfortably straining against his jeans, tingling like the redhead was actually touching him. A certain pang of indecision hit him, pushing instinctively against these sensations until he wasn’t even sure of what he wanted himself. _Fuck_ , why the hell was he so _hard_?

"U-Um, Neko-chan, I don't think I—" Rin heard the other's protests but couldn't find it in himself to actually concentrate past the sound of blood rushing through his own ears, flowing down to his member in a strange way he hadn’t felt in a long time. All sound was muffled as his eyes soaked in the ravenous sight of the music-obsessed man below him; tanned skin turned an iridescent white underneath the rays of the night. Hard yet lean muscle bunched with the slightest breath, revealing those shameless abs and strong, sharp hipbones that made Rin swallow thickly, clenching his sore body in immediate response. The racing heart thudding in his chest impaired all judgment and the dryness of his lips propelled him to lick them—though he still was unsure of whether that as was the singular reason for such a decision or if his predatory situation had any influence. He just couldn’t get over it when he looked at the source of this entire situation, which stood proudly in the other’s jeans. It was like it was pointing accusingly to reason it was erect.

As tasteless as it was, the knowledge that it was him that caused the handsome man to harden… the knowledge that the raven ironically was responding this way to him of all people made him undeniably happy. Staring at it, his body moved before he could monitor and regulate his instincts and he palmed the other’s prominent bulge. The sharp intake of breath heard—from both parties—immediately afterwards was enough incentive to continue his assail, fingers barely fumbling with the zipper before he lowered it and his boxers to his thighs as he was too eager to expose the other to do things efficiently. His breath nearly became tangible, dense with arousal and heat, and he really wondered whether he would make it out of this without getting a beating, much less a restraining order.

The idol couldn’t help being surprised with his own situation, this scenario was entirely the same yet completely different from the first time this happened. The same because the lecherous man above him was leisurely palming and rubbing him without a care to his protests yet different because his body responded past his mind’s rejections. His limbs felt almost as if they were melting and he was unable to move his flimsy joints any further than weakly grabbing the hand that was dragging his pants off. Why was he so weak now? He felt as if he were made of lead so heavy that it made moving a complete inconvenience… was he drugged? What was in that wine?

“Hah, s…stop...” Breathiness stifled the serious message laden beneath his words and deep frustration began to bubble within him. The deep security his voice once inately owned was shattered just by a few strokes. Even he was having trouble thinking if he really wanted to stop.  

The oblivious panting of the dunce above him was the only response he recieved, yet it was apparent when his disrobed body felt the cool chill of air what his reply was. Bared and defenseless, Haruka felt a certain sense of privicy as well as civility strip itself from him as his decency was stolen to leave only the bare facts uncovered. That this flushed, engorged penis that twitched from the slightest gust of wind belonged to him and that in that single fact indulged both shame and another feeling he couldn't--or wouldn't--identify. It felt entirely different than when he got like this on his own or with a partner, there was no passiveness in this exchange, no thought or sense when he felt the first soft touch of unbearably soft lips to the thin skin of his hip. His skin was raw under his caress.

Why? The repetetive perception of "getting off" was long ago claimed purposeless by him, he knew sex was boring but his body was rebelling, pulsing in need for something only the redhead could give. This was insanity, to do the same thing and get different results is an impossibility! The notion that he was gay was laughable to him when he'd lived in the same quarters with three of the world-claimed sexiest men in Tokyo and never once had his body responded. When he got the most graphic fan letters from males yet he'd just as easily dismissed it because he--wasn't--interested. The cotton fabric beneath him served as an intense foothold to anchor himself when that devil licked the first long, wet stripe up his cock like he was a popscicle, shaking those thoughts from his mind.

His arms shook entirely too much to be normal; he'd actually been under the belief that the violent shuddering racking through his body was the fault of an earthquake when he sat up. All his effort served towards making sure his face was as stoic as possible. “N...Neko-chan…” he grunted his name, cursing the stutter that slipped along with it as he tried to build up enough strength to push him off—he disliked how with his head there, his entire world seemed to be crumbling in on itself. The redhead swatted his hand away as if it were an annoying fly.

“Tch, Nanase-san…. J-Just relax,” Just who was he talking to? Him or himself? He glared at him with as much venom as he couold muster, watching as that too-long hair brushed the inside of his thigh, painting his skin with red. The frankly hypnotic sway of his hair--that Haruka swore needed to be cut for the sake of society--guided his eyes to the full lips that had reddened and were slick with saliva. They pressed strangely on the side of his erection and a harsh breath forced it's way out when he felt the other's soft tongue lick kittenishly at it.

His tongue clicked the inside of his teeth with disapproval, that imbecil's stroking tongue was weird just like the rest of him. It made his temperature rise just to see it peeking between his soft lips but he knew that this was wrong. Everything was out of order now; when would he get bored of the other repeatedly dragging his tongue over his dick? Just like it had with everyone else. He wasn’t supposed to clench his stomach when those stupidly red eyes peered up at him while an idiotic flush built on his cheeks. What was he blushing for? He was the one, unabashedly, running his tongue up that too-sensitive vein on the underside, certainly he was in no way bashful.

But a better question would probably be to himself: why are you watching him?

Rin felt a painful sense of both familiarity and foreignness in this act. While he was used to opening his mouth too wide and taking in the sordidly salty taste of loose skin covering hardened flesh, this was… different. Haruka had a fine taste even masked by the strong wine clinging to his taste buds. By that he meant, there was the taste of nothing on his lips. His skin tasted as if he’d just taken a shower yet the slight saltiness on his tongue could tell him that he was at least sweating.

Either way as he suckled his way down to the heavy balls below, he shivered at the taste… the smell of him was in no way faint and he found himself taking even deeper breaths to engulf his senses of him… Even though he was aware he was doing this, he felt a dreadful sense of filthiness coat his skin with every lick. No, today he wasn't numb from head to toe, he wasn't going through the motions of pleasing someone else, he was the one initiating and controlling it because it felt… good.

Desirous thoughts struck him now where they never had before, things that he couldn't say aloud because he was far too afraid the thoughts even materialized in his mind. Even as he rolled the other’s balls between his lips, lapping at them with his tongue, he still wanted more. There was the selfish desire he had to possess, to swallow and lick him before just giving him enough reprieve time to come back for more. Just the thought made him gasp and pulse with need—the need to make the other need him. Just before he was dreading the thought of even having to see him, he should’ve kept his too quick judgments of him. He shouldn’t have asked him why he was there or stopped him from leaving, because now he knew that this man was the exact same as he was all those years ago. No, he was even better. Because now…

The controlled numbness that he treasured had evaporated in the face of this heady drug called want.

The choked off sound that escaped him when the redhead’s mouth slid excruciatingly slowly down and around him was disgraceful but he couldn’t repress it as Neko-chan looked at him with those senseless, thoughtless eyes that were so wide and _so red_ while he sank down even further. Shit… _shit!_ The deviant mixture of this tortuous pleasure he wanted no part in needed to be stopped. His sinful tongue wrapping around his pulsating head was so utterly insane and he understood nothing, nor could he with the other robbing his focus so easily. His tongue was thick in his throat and as wave after wave of shocks impacted him, washing up his body as pressure built. He was feeling it whether he wanted to or not.

It didn't make it better to be surrounded by the soft, slick sounds of his mouth consuming him or Neko-chan's tongue curling around his shaft while his slit unbearably hit the back of his throat. _Oh... oh kami-sama is he swallo--fuck! How was that even possible with his tongue?_ His head lolled back while he used all his strength to keep his control with him, rational thought had to circulate through his idiocy. His pleasure was under his control, not a prostitute's, if he needed to use force to get that through the other's head then so be it.

"Na'ase-sa'... (Nanase-san...)" Haruka felt more than heard the muffled sound of his name called from around his cock and he could barely restrain himself from moaning all too loudly at the vibrations. Panting harshly, he glared down at Neko-chan with a disapproving look only to see the other staring insecurely up at him while he tried to take him even deeper.

"W...What?" he hissed lowly, scowling when the other suddenly released him from the trap of his mouth and manually worked the underside with his tongue. His breathing grew heavier he tried to focus on the other, on his displeasure of doing this at all as well as with a man. It would've worked, at least that's what he thought, had it not been for the idiot that was sucking with such a concentrated, focused expression before looking to him with worried eyes.

"I..Ish ih good? D-Do 'ou wike ih? (I...Is it good? D-Do you like it?)" Was he kidding? Don't tell him that this brat didn't know what the hell he was doing to him! If he was hard like this... why did he have to ask him that? It wasn't like he particularly wanted to think about this either! He didn't want to talk about how he was only clinging to reality by the thin bedsheets below because of his tongue...

He sighed at the other, who persistently suckled on him, trying to please him the only way he seemed to know how. He thought somewhat that it couldn't be helped, "I-It's good enough. Keep g-going..."

His hips arched to meet the other, rolling until he could feel the other's nose nuzzle into the base. Muted whimpers escaped the other man’s lips and he let his mouth be violated, let him stretch his throat in ways that he'd never do to Gou. He couldn't even think of Gou right now as another strangled curse escaped him and he reached out to hold onto something, anything as the other swallowed him so intensely that the raven had trouble breathing. He stopped moving his head yet with this he couldn't help feeling better about it, even if nothing had changed. Now he was the one pulling the strings.

The crystalline blue of his irises clashed with the other's impossible red for the first time with clear sobriety when he heard the other beneath him, "Ngh... mn..."

 _Shut up, you're making it worse. Dammit, this isn't fair._ Haruka thought while the whimpers and moans vibrated around his pulsating hardness and nearly made him roll his eyes back. It felt so... _damn_... had a tongue licking him always felt like _that_? His hand finally came in touch with something soft, silky almost with a water-like consistency. Even as he stared at himself doing it, it seemed almost as if it wasn't him. Haruka witnessed the sight of his own flushed cock disappearing in between the plush, reddened lips, saliva spilling from the unsealed corner of his lip. The redhead's glistened wetly in the dim lighting and the flush on his cheeks had gotten even worse as Haruka literally fucked into his mouth.

Neko-chan looked as if he... liked this. No... he... just before he'd been so casual about it all, if not at least more experienced than him. _Don't tell me, Neko-chan enjoys getting his mouth fucked_... somehow, he felt his erection pulse dangerously, sending jerks up to his brain for a warning sign. Ironically, even though he wanted to go faster, to pump in and out of the other's hot, steaming tightness, his hips slowed.

The other's shaky hand gripped his thigh when he slowed down, moaning almost in distress while looking up at him. Haruka watched his back muscles flex as he tried to dive back for more only to have his hair pulled by him to stop. He had to stop, he had to, he... he felt like he'd explode if he didn't. He needed the other to stop before it was too late. He was on the brink and couldn't think of much with his lust-addled mind until that sneaky little prick decided to swallow around him and play with his soaking head viciously with his devilish tongue. The reaction to that was instantaneous, covering his vision in white.

Rin's breath shortened into steamy puffs that gave him not even half the air he knew he could get going up. He couldn't control his breathing as a lightheaded giddiness overtook him with every slide of Nanase-san's heavy cock over his tongue. Even his precum—as sparse as it was—wasn't thick and salty as he expected. It tasted more like water than anything and it amused him to think that by sucking him, Rin might get water instead of cum. There was also a strange tang to it that reminded him of mackerel for whatever reason. But that was a fleeting thought until Rin felt Nanase-san’s fingers curling through his hair, he thought he might’ve moaned but he was too concentrated on the orgasmic sensation of him there. If he grabbed him the right way, if he gripped the right place, he’d render Rin unable to move at all—somehow giving him a heady feeling and forcing his hips to buck forward into air.

His throat received a stretch as the other's thick head sank into it, making Rin's body feel as if it were going to fall apart from the full feeling. It was all too hot and he was getting fruitlessly, annoyingly needy with every lick of the other's cock. He finally knew what the meaning of hot and bothered was when his hand couldn't stop himself from palming the tenting front of his slacks, thrusting into his hand. _This is filthy; I'm not usually like this..._ he wanted to stop, only imagining how demeaning he looked sucking desperately on a cock and... masturbating like a dog. But the friction against his now startlingly sensitive skin made the drag of his hand addictive and even more so the indignity quickly bubbling in his gut made the pleasurable glide all the sweeter.

There it was, the final halting grip of his hand that made him boil higher and higher while his hand continued to stroke heavily over his arousal—unable to control it when he freed it from its soaked, crème prison. He's never felt like this before but he couldn't stop. His body was trembling at the other man's knees for more. More of his thickness... more friction to ignite his nerves... more—

His eyes snapped open when he felt the first intense jerks of the other's cock as creamy liquid erupted from the tip. He swallowed; it was in the contract he signed that if the other was allowed to cum in his mouth, Rin was to swallow. But the scary thing was that he didn't know whether it was really because of his job that he devoured the sticky cream coming from Nanase-san or... or... he didn't even want to think such a thing. That when he looked up to see the strain in the other male's expression, the way his lips went slack and the way his eyelashes cast shadows over his face when his eyes fluttered closed and his neck tensed, he coveted that. He felt gratified almost.

There were only a few shots to swallow and Rin could've sworn he should have come, yet even as the raven man softened in his mouth Rin couldn't reach his peak. It seemed so dangerously close it was ridiculous that he couldn’t go over the edge. So he pumped himself harder, hoping to burst before Nanase-san saw him in one of his rawest moments with a cock in his mouth, jerking himself off.

Heavy breaths heaved from his body while the last shudders rocked through him as the aftershock of what had been one of the most intense orgasms he'd ever experienced. His heart pounded against his ribs as it struggled to get his blood flow to regulate itself; he'd never realized how much strain orgasms up on the body before. Not that he could think about that as his mind, high on endorphins and the pleasure of sensation, free floated through space as though he were on a drug. He could sort of see now why people would waste their time and energy on this now.

But even more than that, he couldn't doubt he felt inexplicable relief pour through his body. Even though he thought he should be furious after being sexually assaulted again, he somehow couldn't rein in the soft feeling in his chest that reminded him of the soft motion the other's eyes made when they fluttered closed or the myrad of pink hues that colored his cheeks in. He'd really tried hard even though he knew Haruka would never go for him. With that thought abrupt tightness bloomed in his chest and he attempted to exhale—he assumed it was probably belated annoyance from the other. Or maybe it was guilt.

When he opened his eyes, he couldn’t quite remember closing them in the first place. Really the last thing he could register was the fascinating way Neko-chan’s bright red hair swished along his twitching thighs while he took him in deeper, his whines echoing in his ears. He groaned lowly and sat up slowly only to recognize the fact that there was heavy breath puffing over his way too sensitive cock and the fact that red still spilled over the tan of his skin wildly. His brow knotted in concern as he glanced down at the flushed face hidden by thick bangs, lying on his hip.

“Neko…chan?” he looked down and stilled when he saw exactly what was going on. The stiffness of the other’s shoulders and flexing muscle in his arm gave him away as he grabbed the other’s hair again to signal him to look up. When he did, Haruka almost found himself blushing at the way the other looked at him. His face was bright pink, contrasting greatly against his skin; his hair fell messily in his face while he bit his lip harshly in desperation for his release, but then once more it was Neko-chan’s eyes that took his focus. They were blown out until only a thin layer of red lay around the pupil and by the way they shimmered in the light below a frustrated brow, the other looked about ready to cry.

A shiver went down his spine as he wondered how this man could bear to look so wanton, so… lustful. It was only when he watched as lust faded from the other's expression that he noticed how pale the other was and the look of horror gazing at him, that he realized the other might be embarrassed by what he just did. Then again, he once more didn’t understand the reasoning behind a prostitute getting embarrassed about something as small as masturbating. The young man looked as if Haruka had caught him doing something abominable, “T…Teme! Don’t just l-l-look! Why are y-you staring? You’re absolutely p-perv—” Before the other could continue his overture of frustrated humiliation as he covered his own hardness, the raven wordlessly put an end to the senseless vitriol spewed at him.

Without much thought about what he was actually doing, he continued where Neko-chan had abruptly ended, in favor of anxiously wiping the evidence on the white sheets and covering himself as much as he could. Haruka hadn't known what he'd been expecting to feel when his palm curved around the hard organ protruding from the other’s body, even as his hand showed no sign of trepidation in his actions. He thought it would be the same as when he jerked himself off—the affair passive and familiar to him since it was as simple as pulling a few times to get the expected result.

Yet it was almost shocking to feel just how hot and wet the other was there, the head weeping excessively while Neko-chan gasped and collapsed on his chest. Once more he was under the realization that he certainly was different than him, Neko-chan was not passive in nature. He felt alive to him, he could feel the blood thrumming in his veins, his body shivering with any minute movement of his hand. He filled with an eagerness that made Haruka's heart thud in his chest, “W…What a-ahh… are you, nng, d-doing N-Nanase-san?”

His hand adjusted itself for a smoother glide up the other’s hardened, twitching flesh and Neko-chan arched his back while biting his lip in an attempt to stifle the sounds coming from him. It naturally failed, seeing as the raven could still hear the small needy whimpers emanating from inside his throat, “I’m giving you a hand, you seemed frustrated,” he answered smoothly even though he was actually surprised he could move correctly so soon. The devious idea of revenge was too sweet to resist, the intention of it gripping his mind and forcing his hand to accelerate over the other's hardness. The loud, reacting cry sealed the deal as he loomed over him with a glint in his eyes, “Why don’t I do something light for you too? I’m in a good mood for some reason.”

“Tch, when you’re in a good mood, you like sucking prostitutes off?” Neko-chan snapped, making Haruka’s eyes darken with annoyance and grind his thumb against the other’s soaking slit just to make his squirm. Oh and squirm he did when his head flew back and a loud moan left his lips; somehow Haruka got a high just by being in this position above him and playing him like a familiar instrument. Able to shut the other up with just a flick of his wrist would turn out to be quite advantageous. Contorting muscle and nervous hands running over the bed filled his vision and he wondered what else he could make this proud man do.

“No, I only do it to those who can’t even get themselves off,” Rin stiffened at the obvious push at his buttons, both figuratively and literally. He would’ve thought that he would immediately say yes to what Nanase-san was suggesting, having that pretty mouth around his cock, seeing him try to make Rin feel good seemed like a dream come true for the night. But he also could feel the smoothness of the golden band around Nanase-san’s ring finger pressing into his sensitive cock, both making him curl his toes in utter ecstasy and shiver with disgust at the fact that it was a constant reminder that Nanase-san was not his. There were one too many men who engraved ring marks into his skin as they pounded painfully into his ass to relieve themselves—assuring that they still loved their partners but they were just far too busy or tired to provide these services that they could easily buy. Those were the men who made him feel the dirtiest, like a walking toilet someone just had to bend over to use.

The only security he had in having to fuck men like that was the fact that he couldn’t and wouldn’t get aroused. When he felt the harsh grind of the ring against his hipbone as the client fucked him and called out his wife's name, all he wanted was for the man to hurry up and cum already so he could take a burning shower to maybe disinfect himself—his flaccid cock went unnoticed by the other.

As time went on, if became harder and harder to do so and equally as hard to be a pretend girl. But as he looked up to see the sight of the idol looming over him with lustful eyes… the sight he’d been wanting to see for years, it was as if his body had slingshot back into the real world, rising from the coma it had been in. Every touch burned his skin and he never knew such pleasure was attainable, enough that he was hard and leaking regardless of his marital status. The knowledge of that made his insides quiver in terror of himself. He didn’t want Nanase Haruka to touch him, to hold him, to make him cum.

He would have no control of himself.

He refused to look at Nanase-san, knowing if he did he would only convince himself that it was a once in a lifetime chance that he’d never get back, “N…No… no, hah, hah, y-you don’t h…have, mn, to do th-that. I-I’m fine… j-just let me—ngh!” His back arched violently and he tossed his head to the side when he felt a cool yet warm tongue lick the head of his erection. Dammit… if that was how he reacted to even just one touch, he couldn’t imagine how it would feel if he actually took him in his mouth and licked him _everywhere_. Rin could just imagine the comical scene where he virtually combusts on the bed from all the fire pooling in his cheeks and he knew he couldn't go on with his wimpy whines easing from his throat. They had to stop now; Rin was… he was scared. Suitors didn’t suck him off, they only took what they wanted and paid him. There was no reciprocation in the agreement they had nor was there even a remote interest in such things, Nanase-san shouldn't be doing something so vile, “P…Please… no more, ah, ah! No, s-stop it Nanase-san!”

It was out of mere curiosity that Haruka had even decided to lick the other’s head, the feel and weight of it in his hand was foreign to anything he's ever felt before. Not only that but the way there was so much proof in the attachment of the organ in his hand to the quivering redhead awed him. He had never imagined getting such an erotic response just from one lick. Neko-chan reacts just like a virgin yet from his job description it was assumed that his body was experienced in having a man, but now he was so sensitive and desperate just after a few licks and he was just so _fucking wet_. He never thought he’d say that about a guy. Ever.

It was this response, this keening, gasping response, that encouraged him to ignore the pleads coming from above—after all Neko-chan ignored him when he was telling him to stop—and slowly sink his mouth down on the other’s shaft. Bracing his arm against the redhead's hips, he securely held him down as he saw the other was impulsive. With just one lick, Neko-chan had nearly bucked himself off the bed and he knew such thrashing could be the difference between humiliation and the success at this feat. He absolutely didn’t want to choke.

Rin could feel himself trembling as he was held down, forcibly feeling the other’s slick and inexperienced tongue curl luckily around just the good spots. The slipperiness of the organ prodding at the throbbing vein and grazing the too-sensitive spot beneath his stole his breath and left no protests. His breath was so heavy there was probably steam in front of him and his skin jolted when he felt the other man stroke the back of his thighs. Shit, it was so good, it was so good, did he really want to stop? Nanase-san was so slow--agonizingly so--when he devoured him inch by aching inch. He had the fair thought that he might even be going insane because he could've swore he could even feel the raven's saliva edging slowly around the soft skin and providing enough lubricant for the experience to drive him to stupidity. He couldn’t restrict the humiliating moans building in his chest from how good he felt around him, clumsily licking and randomly sucking with such a strange pattern that every grind of his mouth was a shock. The conflicting feelings welled within him and his senses were on the losing side, sinking deeper with every thrust of the other's head. Base need was overwhelming his logic and he wanted--he wanted... _M…More…_

**Tch, of course you want more you fucking faggot.**

Red, red eyes snapped open and stared around the perimeter with paranoia crawling up his back only to see nothing but the overly romantic atmosphere shadowing every corner. What the hell was that? That… voice… It made the barest parts of his soul chill in fear, goosebumps rising on his skin. But fear warred with the equally intense pleasure that came with Nanase-san accidentally brushing his teeth on the vein on the underside. He wanted to cum so badly, he could just feel it tingling in his lower stomach while Nanase-san improved with every pass of his mouth on his cock. He could feel himself jerking on the other’s tongue because that asshole decided to press the flat of it to the vein.

The fear that had spiked within his heart and made his skin prickly with over awareness seemed to fade with the surrealness of the other on his cock. The other did just as he pleased and cared not if he liked it or not because either way he would be forced to endure it. _Shit, no don’t touch there, it feels too—_

**Hmph, a fag like you is probably only fit for sucking dicks. You suck that other fag’s cock that you’re always hanging with?**

“N…No… that’s not it!” He responded before he could think any differently. His breathing turned heavier with the stress of hearing that voice and having this done to him simultaneously. It felt like a dream almost, one of those dreams where the it seemed as if it wasn't you looking at yourself from an objective point but one where you blurred the lines between what was reality and not. Nanase-san sucking him off while he listens to _him_... just meeting one was enough to make this feel like an impossible day by he hadn't had to hear this voice in so long... In all actuality this seems more like a nightmare than anything else… was this a nightmare?

Whether in nightmares or dreams, there was no pain involved but was there pleasure? What were the limits of intensity that he could feel? If he was numb to pain and pleasure, then why did he feel so good but his chest hurt so bad? Why was it so hard to breathe; to take a simple in and out breathe was almost impossible. His chest felt as if it were in the process of crushing itself inward, folding itself hotdog style.

Would he get smaller that way? “Ah! Ah! S…Stop d-don’t just suck th-there! I-It’s—”

Haruka couldn't say he particularly thought too much of sucking someone off, although it was his first time. It wasn't great but he wouldn't lie and say it was bad either; being down here, Haruka found himself in the company of the amazing smell of sakura blossoms. It was an arbitrary thought when the raven was tenderly licking at the other's hot flesh, but he wondered if he used a type of soap for such a beautiful scent. He didn't even taste that bad--of course Haruka didn't really think he was the type to get off to sucking someone off--but then again, he probably expected it to taste like urine or something. Neko-chan just tasted of salty skin and something dimly sweet.

Really, sucking a cock wasn't all that great; he didn't see why Gou liked to do it to him so often. After a while his jaw was even starting to hurt and he wanted to stop to just work him over with his hand, though it was strange. He almost felt as if in doing that he was losing a nonverbal battle he was having with the redhead. What with his whining for him to stop his sucking, Haruka would expect for him to have bit his dick off. It was a good thing that his body was way more honest than his mouth would ever be.

Well not to say that his mouth wasn't honest at times as well, when his name was being gasped and uncontrollable groans were rolling thickly from his constricting throat he could hear nothing but the truth.

The only thing left unanswered would most likely be the questioning reason behind the outbursts he had every once in a while that had absolutely nothing to do with the current situation at hand. Not only that but when he had them, he sounded scared. It was a different kind of scared than the pitched voice he gave him when he told him that he was just fine, that he would be fine with his own hand even though he clearly was getting nowhere. It was different because this fear shook the other’s body, making him tremble in trepidation. He felt cold sweat rise on the other’s once heated skin and he thought the acceleration of the other’s breath had nothing to do with his persistent mouth.

It almost felt like this fear, the same as his arousal, was a living, breathing thing. Like it was a part of the man below him; unconsciously his thumb ran circles on the other’s hip and his mouth became a bit more enthusiastic to please the other. Yet he knew nothing of the turmoil that seemed to be running amuck through the other’s mind.

**Don’t you like getting your ass fucked? You roll that way don’t you?**

**You’re probably going to be a fag’s whore when you grow up.**

“No! No, I’m not! I’m not! Please n-no! Hah, hah, ahhn, s-stop please…” he whimpered desperately, shivering in Nanase-san’s hands while he tried and failed to monitor the other’s movements, the tortuous pleasure so overwhelming with that booming voice in his ears. He could practically feel the rough grip encircle his forearm and the violent heat of his breath over his face. It was so loud, he found it hard to say if this was really happening or not and he just didn’t know anymore. If you asked him, he couldn’t even tell you what up and down was probably. He despised it yet he knew this high was problematically addictive even with the sensory distress.

He wanted to stop; he wanted to cum, he was just desperate for something, anything to happen so he couldn’t be here anymore. His numbness wasn’t working and everything was so vivid he thought he was experiencing sensory overload. He could only plead for the other to stop and call out his name in the frustrating tango of his thoughts. He wanted his reality back! Stop it… please… _Nanase-san, please no more… I don’t know if I can take much more…_

As if hearing his thoughts, Haruka’s mouth stopped moving and he let the other fall from his lips to bob back on his stomach while he looked up at Neko-chan. It was like hearing an off-key note on his favorite piano, the shock of seeing the other on his back, trembling entirely too hard to be just from the aftershocks of his treatment as unseen tears rolled from his eyes—hidden behind an arm. Why… why was it always like this with this man?

He was frustrating and forceful, pushing to have things done his way and inconveniencing him in inconceivable ways. Those sharp teeth were always glinting when he snapped at him or grinned smugly, but now they were hidden behind those quivering lips—unless they were biting down on them instead. He always put on this cocky look and argues but when someone attacks back he starts to cry, unable to take it. He was just like his namesake, a kitten really, and sensitive in more ways than one.

Haruka leaned back and stared down at the other with a soft concern in his eyes, unknown to even him. He knew even though he didn’t know why this happened, somehow he could be sure that the catalyst was definitely his ignoring him. He ignored the anxiety pitching his voice and the way his eyes begged to be let go now that he was captured. It was utterly unfair to demand that since he forced him to cum but Haruka couldn’t do the same even though he was obviously having trouble with it. And even though in any other circumstances, he would’ve left immediately in frustration but he stayed rooted—his body even wanted him to take responsibility for frightening the other like this. He just had to fix things, though he wasn’t too sure how.

Thinking to first stop the other’s crying, he tried to analyze the best way to comfort him. It was quite difficult since they had just met today, but if he’d learned anything about the other tonight, it was that he was impulsive. Something planned and calculated would fall short and separate at the seams from his unpredictable behavior and he might make the other even more upset.

Then what was he to do with the blubbering man beneath him… should he be impulsive too?

That was an idea; impulsiveness, impulsive comfort… With reasonable consideration, Haruka decided what his plan of action should be and he approached the other’s weeping face with caution. Too far gone and dedicated to hiding his embarrassment via limbs, Neko-chan was oblivious to his attack, couldn’t feel the light breeze of his breath upon his lips even as he felt the shuddering puffs upon his. Closer now, he had to do this right, closer until he could swear he felt the thrum of blood through the other’s lips and could barely feel the scrape of his teeth. It was completely natural when his lips descended the last millimeter or so until he caught his lips with his own.

The other’s quiet sobs and whimpers halted abruptly as he realized just what the hell the other was doing. And he wanted to cry or scream at him to stop messing with him and just leave him alone because he obviously had more problems than either of them wanted to deal with but that… that ass just kissed him. He moved his lips gently against his, almost like they were as delicate as flower petals. His heart quavered in pure, unadulterated surprise and he swiftly moved his hands from his eyes to press them against Nanase-san's shoulders. It was so hot, too hot as he held his breath to abstain from that idiot going even further than necessary. Even this was unnecessary! This was the one thing that was absolutely forbidden though it was usually unsaid. No kissing.

Kissing was sinful in this industry if you wanted to keep yourself from going insane. It was one of the things prostitutes just didn't do because kissing was said to be one of the simplest gestures to initiate closeness. They were not in the closeness industry; they devalued the intimacy of sex to use for profit. In the midst of sweat, gasps, and release not a kiss is supposed to be exchanged. It was like becoming friends with your local bus driver after one meeting—there was no guarantee that you would ever see this person ever again, your relationship was only to pay them for their use. To be naked and dripping underneath this man was one thing, but this was a different exposure altogether.

Rin cursed just how long Nanase-san could hold his breath because even as he attempted to push him off, he knew he wouldn't be able to. He violently turned his head to disconnect himself but just as quickly as he did so, the other's hand quickly gripped the strands at the sensitive base of his head to stop him. Fuck how did he know to do that? He usually hated when that was done to him but when those long pianist fingers gripped him, he submitted as if that were the plan all along. Breathless, he attempted to suck in as much breath as he could to stop this but in mid-breath when the other dove back for another kiss, licking all too deeply into his mouth.

"Mmph! Hm, Nana--ngh! S'op! W'ah are 'ou 'oin--hmph!" His objections were cut off by an even deeper attack to his mouth as Nanase-san fell easily into the gap between his legs, making him groan from the other's stomach rubbing against him. Jolts ran up his body, making his cock twitch painfully as he tried harder to push the other off. His tongue slid wetly against the other's and he was melting, trying his hardest to stop him as he felt a cool hand wrap around him, "Ah! M-Mnn, Nanase-san! Don't!" The raven removed himself from his lips, letting him take a heaving breath as he looked down Rin.

"Neko-chan, it's alright... nothing bad is going to happen... don't cry..." he ran his hand tenderly up and down his cock, feeling the smooth skin that trembled when he touched just the right place. He watched as the redhead's face draw up with pleasure, those red eyes glistening with unshed tears as his lower lips trembled behind suppressed moans. He kissed him again, virtually unaware of it as his fingers went faster over the other's erection. Neko-chan gasped and curled his toes when he brutally teased the other's head while kissing down his neck. He released the other's hair to gently brush away the streaking tears going down his face.

Neko-chan threw his head back, squeezing his thighs to his hips while he fucked himself into the other's hand. The sight of the other's flawless skin, stretched out before him in an endless sheen of white did things to him. Enough things that he couldn't help lowering his kisses to the other's sharp jawline, his adam's apple, his collarbone... The other's skin was addicting, so soft, so sweet and smooth. His hand went faster and faster while unexplainable heat lit his body from the inside out as he felt the other's frenzied attempt to remain in control. Neko-chan's grip grew tight on his shoulders and he moved his hips faster into his hand. His head lowered and he looked blearily at the Haruka.

"Nana...se...san, hah, hah, I-I... feels t-too..." he could barely even get two words out before it was cut off by his own moan of pleasure. He couldn't even think anymore with the other all over him, touching his cock until his head spun and he could say nothing more than an unintelligible litany of the other's name and senseless pleas. And he was moaning so loudly, lewdly rolling his hips into his hand that it was humiliating. When the other touched him, his stomach clenched and he mindlessly tightened over nothing, animalistic urges making him desire things he would never even think about.

His legs to be lifted in just the right angle to hand perfectly over the other's shoulders, the delicious spread of his wet thighs for the other to spread him, to penetrate him. He wanted him to pin him down, he wanted to be dominated. He could already feel it bubbling in the back of his head, as he straddled the end of lucidity and orgasmic bliss where he just knew anything goes. He wanted him to fuck him, he would love to get fucked by Nanase-san, and he would go insane if he didn't. Nanase-san... he wanted it in him, he wanted his fingers, his tongue...

**You know, soon you'll be moaning like a little whore for your hole to be filled. Real men like pussy. I bet you wish you had one.**

Only a single, broken sob escaped him just as he found sweet release from the last flick of the other's wrist and his mouth was covered by the other's lips, invaded by his tongue. He gave into it and wrapped his arms around the other's neck so he could properly arch into him. The other whispered to him as he milked him until he was oversensitive and fisting his hair, "Neko-chan... there's a lot... it felt good?"

"Sh...shut u-up," he panted, dropping his arms from the other's neck so he could turn away. "A-Are you gonna give me money now? I wanna sleep..." he slurred with drowsy eyes, trying his best to forget that his ever happened. It would just feel so nice to sink into the cushioned white below and just ignore everything until tomorrow. Where he’d have to get up once more and brush himself off; alone. That coldness could wait as he succumbed to the warmth of drowsiness, allowing his anesthesia to wear off a bit.

Haruka felt a lighthearted feeling blossom in his chest when he looked at the senseless redhead who was blinking longer and longer. Wordlessly, he got up from the bed to nakedly trail to the bathroom where he knew there would be the basic cleaning supplies. He found a washcloth and rinsed himself clean the other's orgasm before he came back to see the other in the exact same place where he left him. In reality it wasn’t that big of a deal but to see the other so still with a skylight above him on a bed of roses… he couldn’t help to take a closer look at him. Haruka had always had a certain fondness for art. Haruka from afar glanced at the other's body, spent with exhaustion and sinking into the bed.

He couldn't deny that the other was quite attractive, his body was lax with tiredness, abs coated with the evidence of his pleasure. His face was a light pink and his eyes were closed, signifying the fact that he was asleep. He was... Haruka's face flushed slightly with his thoughts. He was more confused now than before he came, about his situation with his wife and just life in general all because of the stupid redhead sleeping in the bed as if he’d done nothing to the raven. Innocuous, as though he hadn’t just shaken every though he’d ever had about sex. Yet as he watched his sleeping face, Haruka couldn't help but think it wasn't so bad, the other man seemed to find peace as well as he slept—there wasn't a wrinkle of discomfort on his face even though there were tear tracts.

Calmly, he took the damp towel and gently wiped at his flushed skin of his cheek, watching the other's breath hitch in his sleep with pure fascination. The tender way he washed over the other’s soiled skin lowered gradually but he only briefly skimmed the other's cock since he wasn't trying to do much else tonight other than go home. His bones even felt hollow with satisfaction and he felt as if the air had no density to it. Was this the after-sex glow everyone talked about?

Haruka took the covers and pulled it up to the other's shoulder in an attempt to preserve the childlike warmth the other seemed to emanate. For a moment, he stared and there was a brief sense of emptiness in the place he thought never existed in his heart and he could only wonder why as he gazed at the sleeping man just a while longer. _I can't just stay here, the other made a perfectly good point when he asked for payment since he clearly had gone above and beyond customer service tonight to the point where he was exhausted._ Haruka thought he should definitely give him a tip for doing all that. Haruka had even made him cry.

Looking around the large room, he tried to locate where the other’s belongings were or at least his pants. Somehow he just didn’t feel comfortable giving that lady the tip for him, he knew a conniving woman when he saw one after all. Only a moment later, Haruka spotted a black pouch sitting on the countertop and could only assume in its bland, misplaced appearance in this room that it belonged to Neko-chan.

The raven also found his boxers and tugged them on as well as his pants. While what he wore to the establishment was rather downplayed, he still kept quite a bit of money on him—it was a habit he'd received from Gou who would spend all of her money in one go if he didn't have a significant amount of money with him for her love of shopping.

He took the wad of hundreds out and unzipped his bag to put it inside as a tip from him, well he tried but he seemed to run into some resistance in the form of a piece of paper. With a curious tilt to his head, Haurka slid the paper out and on it were words... No, wait, when he looked further into it there seemed to almost be a rhythm behind those word. And the way this paper was structure, though it was only brief it was obvious what this was. Lyrics. He scanned over them with immediate interest, not even thinking about how he might've been breaching someone else's privacy, and his eyes widened in amazement.

_Kisetsu wa peeji wo mekuru you ni_

_Megutte iku tabiji_

_Kyou wa naitatte ashita waraeba_

_Atarashii hi ga kimi wo terasu_

_Tsukareta nara kata no ni wo oroshite_

_Ima dake wa iu yo oyasumi_

There were only six lines on the paper, yet Haruka was completely captivated by the song. The word flow had no specific pattern but it was beautiful, overcoming him with such a nostalgic and warm feeling he had yet to feel by listening to a song. He discovered that he didn’t know this song, which was shocking to him seeing as he listened to a lot of music. But this style even of sentimentality was alien to him. It was the same style he used to write his songs but completely different.

He further scanned the page for a name, a title, an author... something to identify this song he didn't recognize. He needed to hear more, the rest of the song. The rest of the story dangled on a cliffhanger and he breathed a sigh of relief when he saw in the corner of the page what must’ve been the name of a woman.

A soft exhale escaped his lips and he read and reread the fragmented lyrics over and over. That glint of passionate and determined blue had once more reached his gaze, "Rin... huh..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all like it since I REAAAAALLY worked hard on it and revised it and am soooooo happy and inspired--despite free! ending. (Beautifully might I add, I got a lot of ideas %^_^%)


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